Cycle of Violence
by OverMaster
Summary: Inspired by 'What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant' by Mereo Flere. Rated M for strong language and repeated comical graphic violence. Proofread and edited by Shadow Crystal Mage. That's all I'm saying here. I think I'll let the fanfic itself say the rest, whether for better or worse.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't Yotsuba Satsuki's fault. How could it be?

There wasn't a single (big or small) mean bone in Satsuki's chubby, not-so-little bbw body, and she'd never had anything but the best intentions in mind for her friends. So when she took her roommate Chao's golden watch, which she always kept on a very long chain and well stashed within their room, she hadn't done it behind Chao's back because she disrespected her at all. It was only because she genuinely wanted to give her dear academic and athletic genius friend a nice surprise before the Festival.

Chao had once or twice hinted she'd have to leave after the Festival, which greatly saddened Satsuki, but if there was nothing she could do to stop Chao, she could at least have that family heirloom Chao obviously treasured so much fixed before then. And if anyone in Mahora campus short of Chao and Satomi could fix a broken watch, that was Emiya Shirou-sempai.

"How odd," the red-haired older boy noted as he held the still watch in front of him. "It doesn't look damaged at all, but then again, often they don't. I'll try my best to have it repaired, Yotsuba-san," he promised the girl, who smiled adorably and nodded at him. Then he stuck the watch in the breastpocket of the jacket he had put on over his school clothes and swung his schoolbag over his shoulder. "I promise I'll take a good look at it as soon as I get back home."

The brown haired girl thanked him sincerely and then left to head towards the female dormitories. Shirou smiled to himself, sighed, and then headed his own way off as well. It was already kind of late, it was a very cold afternoon, and he'd better get a good night's sleep after looking into that watch, since he had a lot of work for the next day, too...

Regrettably, often things don't work out as we'd have wanted them to.

Emiya Shirou had a really bad evening after that. So far, he'd fallen asleep while leaving the school, been stabbed, somehow recovered but in extreme pain, been found by and ran all the way home from a maniac skeleton in fascistic uniform chasing and shooting at him, and was now bleeding to death in the storeroom in the back yard where his father had sometimes secretly taught him magic (at least until he gave up, moved by a combination of his own paralyzing physical weakness and Shirou's complete ineptitude at magic). And now…

"Are you… my Master?"

Now, things were just getting fucked up…

"Are you my Master?" the gorgeous young looking blonde in the long blue dress with armor plates and gauntlets repeated, with a voice that was cold and devoid of any feelings.

"Gah...!" Shirou blurted out.

"That is a 'Yes', then," the woman nodded. "Negatives are usually conveyed as 'Geh'..."

Then the wall behind her exploded into a million splinters, and something broke in, slamming into the girl like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the young female managed to block it with an armored glove, then to swiftly swing the blade she had been carrying up, slashing through a section of her attacker's decaying ribcage, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough, was the self proclaimed Judge, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

 _ **"Yesssssss!"**_ he hissed. _**"It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the sssssssharp caresssssssss of a bladed edge for ssssssssssso long..."**_

"Foul creature of darkness," the woman growled, keeping her sword ready and easily falling into a protective stand before Shirou. "I can detect your cruel killing intent even easier than I'd see the light of the sun in the middle of summer. And it's not even the dutiful urge to slay an enemy in war, is it?"

He trained his guns on her, although she didn't even flinch. _**"That'sssssss right. I'd kill every woman, child, elder and unborn in thisssss world if I had the chance. All are the ssssssame, for there are no innocentssssss. Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death! Ffffor Nekron!"**_

And he opened fire.

A split moment later, Shirou felt an explosive charge bursting into his chest, past the strange lady's defenses, which felt even worse than being stabbed. Not only because the expansive effect of the explosion rippled through more of his flesh and vital organs than a blade would have, but because he was sure that shooter had just destroyed the expensive watch that ever nice kohai from the Chao Bao Zi had entrusted to him...

Then the whole world went stark white.

* * *

 _Fate/Stay Night_ , _Fate Hollow Ataraxia_ , _Fate Zero_ , _Fate EXTRA_ , _Fate Extella_ , _Fate Apocrypha_ , _Fate Strange Fake_ , _Fate Prototype_ , _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ and _Fate Grand Order_ are creations and properties of Type-Moon.

 **Cycle of Violence**.

 **Another alternate vision of the Unequally Rational and Emotional universe**.

Inspired by 'What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant' by Mereo Flere.

* * *

 **Chapter One: My House is Your House... and Yours... and Yours... and...**

* * *

Emiya Shirou had been having a really bad evening. So far, he'd fallen asleep while leaving the school, woken up from a really bad nightmare of staring in a Twilight movie only to move to a more pleasant dream of being stabbed and shot, been stabbed, somehow recovered but in extreme pain, been found by and ran all the way home from a maniac skeleton in a fascistic uniform chasing and shooting at him, and was now bleeding to death in the storeroom in the backyard where his father had sometimes secretly taught him magic (at least until he gave up, moved by a combination of his own paralyzing physical weakness and Shirou's complete ineptitude at magic). Just like in his nightmare. But now, things were starting to change at last…

"Are you… my Master?"

Now, things were just getting truly fucked up…

"Please tell me. Are you my Master?" repeated the girl with light short hair, which fell in bangs that hid most of her cute rather than gorgeous pale face. She wore a form hugging black ensemble of body armor that actually showed off a lot of her curvaceous, rather well-stacked physique, complete with tall boots.

In her hand she held a gigantic thick shield that looked like someone had taken a massive table apart and started carrying it around for protection. It was easily bigger than the young woman herself, and almost touched Shirou's ceiling.

"Gah...!" Shirou blurted out.

"Excuse me, Sempai?" the girl blinked. "I'm afraid that doesn't answer anything, and while I'm almost sure you're my Master, I still need a-"

Then the wall behind her exploded into a million splinters, and something broke in, ramming towards the girl like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the young female managed to block it with her gigantic shield, then to swiftly swing it as if it weighed nothing, smashing through a section of her attacker's decaying ribcage, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough was the self proclaimed Judge, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

 _ **"Yesssssss!"**_ he hissed. _**"It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the crusssshhing caresssssssss of a blunt battering forcccce for ssssssssssso long...**_ "

The girl frowned, firmly stepping in between the undead creature and the startled Shirou. "Who are you?!" she demanded. "And why are you after this man?! I won't allow you to harm any innocents as long as I draw breath!"

The Judge cackled insanely. _**"Issssss thhhhat sssssso? Good to know!"**_ He trained his guns on her, although she didn't even flinch. _**"You sssshould know your petty concernsssss are pointlessss anyway, for there are no innocentssssss. Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death! Foooor The SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS Brigade!"**_

And he opened fire.

This time, however, Shirou's chest didn't explode into a shower of gore and bone, much to his relief. For the girl with the shield had easily blocked every bullet, shouting bravely "Don't worry, Sempai, I'll protect you!"

It was really impressive; Shirou had watched footage of that new super-heroine Wonder Woman in TV recently, and while seeing her block heavy gunfire with her bracelets had been incredible, seeing this up close and personal was even more awe-inspiring. His mouth hung open, and he was so distracted by the larger than life display of raw defensive power, saving his life against every bullet that flew his way, that he didn't even notice when Judge, with a bitter scoff, disappeared in a puff of sulfurous smoke, only to instantly reappear right behind him and shoot him through the back.

A split moment later, Shirou felt an explosive charge bursting into his back, making its way right through his torso, which felt even worse than being stabbed or shot in the chest. Not only because the expansive effect of the explosion rippled through even more of his flesh and vital organs than before, but because he was sure that, when the blast came all the way over through his chest, the shooter had once again just destroyed the expensive watch that ever-so-nice kohai from the Chao Bao Zi had entrusted to him...

Then the whole world went stark white.

* * *

Emiya Shirou had been having a really bad evening. So far, he'd fallen asleep while leaving the school, woken up with really bad nightmares of being stabbed and shot twice, been stabbed, somehow recovered but in extreme pain-

No. Screw that! He wasn't going back home yet again only to run into the same skeleton man again! This time he'd head over directly for Issei's dorm room, taking a different route. He wasn't taking any more risks, at least not until he figured things out.

As the universe didn't have that much time in it, it's a good thing something else happened.

He was still found by and had to run from a maniac skeleton in a fascistic uniform chasing and shooting at him, and was now bleeding to death in a small playground for children on the way over to the male dormitories. He supported himself on the Emperor Penguin slide, gasping for air and coughing blood up, feeling his eyesight failing him and his mind spinning in fire. Almost just like in his nightmare. But now, things were starting to change again…

"Are you… my Master?"

Now, things were getting truly fucked up a third time over…

"Seriously?" dubiously added the lean, yet strong-looking tall man with dark electric-blue hair, wearing a form fitting outfit that clung to each muscle, making Shirou feel oddly uncomfortable inside for a moment. "You are my Master? Man, what does Fate have against me, I wonder...?"

Before Shirou could protest against the slight to the best of his diminished capacities, the fence behind them exploded into a million small pieces and something broke in, ramming towards the fabulous looking man like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the sexy man managed to block it with his very long spear, swiftly swinging the mighty rod then trusting forward firmly, piercing through a section of his attacker's decaying flesh, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough, was the self proclaimed Judge fucking again, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

 **"Yesssssss!"** he hissed. **_"It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the sssssssharp caresssssssss of a lance going through me for ssssssssssso long...! AH! MOOOOREEE!"_**

"That sounded so gay," the stranger in tights disapproved, although that was quite old fashioned from someone dressed like him. "Anyway, in the event this fellow is my Master, I can't let you harm him, you vile creature! He may be as gay looking as you sound, but a good Hound remains loyal no matter the Master's faults! Besides," he fixed a crooked grin, "you may be able to provide a half-decent fight! So bring it on, bag of bones!"

The Judge cackled insanely. _**"Issssss thhhhat sssssso? Ssssso full of yyyourssselffff!"**_ He trained his guns on him, although he didn't even flinch. Shirou did, and a lot, however. _**"You've been found guilty! Of boasssting, of prejudiccce, of closssse mindedenessss, but mosssstly, offff living! Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death!"**_

And he opened fire.

A split moment later, Shirou felt another explosive charge bursting in his chest, past the strange man's defenses, bringing back the by now familiar sensation of something even worse than a stabbing. Not only because the expansive effect of the explosion rippled through more of his flesh and vital organs than a blade would have, but because he was sure that shooter had just destroyed, YET AGAIN, the expensive watch that ever nice kohai from the Chao Bao Zi had entrusted to him...

"Oh my God!" the man in tights gasped. "You've just killed my Master! You aren't human!"

Then the Judge shot him through the forehead.

And the whole world went stark white.

* * *

Emiya Shirou had been having a really bad evening. So far, he'd fallen asleep while leaving the school, woken up with really bad nightmares of being stabbed and shot twice, been stabbed, somehow recovered but in extreme pain-

No. Screw that! He wasn't going leaving the building yet again only to run into the same skeleton man a fourth time! This time he'd finally do something smart like calling for help, call the police, the real heroes of Mahora City. He wasn't taking any more risks, at least not until he figured things out.

"Hello?"

"Hello, it's Emiya Shirou from the Academy. May I talk with Commissioner Kosaka, please? Please tell him it's Kiritsugu's son..."

"Commissioner Kosaka is a very busy man, sir," the operator told him. "Please tell us what's your emergency."

"Um, ah, you'll see, I've been attacked by this man... wearing a skeleton costume, and holding a gun..."

He had watched movies! He wouldn't be Emiya Shirou enough to dumbly tell them he'd been shot thrice by an actual ghost skeleton like that urban legend from New York! Then they'd take him for a nut, just like in those movies, and ask him whether the skeleton had a cool bike and a flaming skull before telling him to call the Justice Society and hanging up just in time for him to get killed to the busy tone...

"I see. Are you sure that's not a prank from one of the clubs, sir? They are normally harmless, unless it's the SOS Brigade, in that case we'll make sure to sending you a SWAT team..."

"I, I'm not sure he belongs to any clubs, he doesn't really look like he's too social... OH CRAP HE'S HERE!"

If Mohammed wouldn't come to the mountain, the mountain would come to Mohammed, apparently. He had still been found by and had to run from a maniac skeleton in a fascistic uniform chasing and shooting at him, and was now bleeding to death in the empty lot behind the Midori-ya Cafe. He supported himself on a fence, gasping for air and coughing blood up, feeling his eyesight failing him and his mind spinning in fire. He tried to call out for the owners of the cafe, who lived nearby enough, but his voice just wouldn't come out like he wanted it to. And now, things were starting to change again…

"Are you… my Master?"

Now, things were getting truly fucked up a fourth time over…

And as you know, Four Means Death, especially to a Japanese!

This death was strangely cute for a change, however. Shirou supposed that was kind of a change for the best, at the very least...

They were two little girls, approximately ten years old each. One of them wore a long white dress with dark blue trimmings that looked similar to the elementary school uniform, her light reddish hair made in long twin tails tied with white ribbons. The other one was a blonde, dressed up in a tight, skimpy black unitard with tall black boots, purple microskirt, and a cape around her shoulders. It hardly was the most fitting attire for someone her age. One felt like a pervert just looking at her.

"W-Wait," Shirou coughed weakly, squinting towards the brown-red haired girl. He thought he recognized her. "Aren't you... Nanoha-chan...? From the cafe...?"

The girl blinked several games, looking confused as her partner gasped in surprise. "Ah? W-Well, I, I don't know how you could know that, Master! Because you're our Master, right? We are Servant Magical Girl (x2), and-!"

"G-Get out!" he urged them. "Go away! Go to your parents, and, and c-call the police, and tell them-!"

Before Shirou could further elaborate to the best of his diminished capacities, the fence behind them exploded into one million small spliners, and something broke in, ramming towards the innocent lolis like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the blond little girl managed to block it with his very long and sinister scythe, then to swiftly swing it as if it weighed nothing, piercing through a section of his attacker's decaying ribcage, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough, was the self proclaimed Judge fucking again, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

 _ **"Yesssssss!"**_ he hissed. _**"It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the sssssssharp caresssssssss of a lance going through me for ssssssssssso long..."**_

"Master, be careful," a male voice warned, coming out of the blonde's scythe. "This creature's readings don't match those of a Jewel Seed. I'm currently performing a search for any matches, but-"

"It's okay, Bardiche," the little girl quietly said as the other loli came to her side, staff in hand, both of them taking a firm stand together between Judge and the wheezing, groaning Shirou. "Who are you?! In the name of the Time and Space Administration Bureau and the Holy Grail itself, you are commanded to surrender immediately! Do so or suffer the consequences!" she warned quite sternly for someone so small and adorable.

The Judge cackled insanely. _**"Issssss thhhhat sssssso? Ssssso full of yyyourssselvesssss!"**_ He trained his guns on them, although the girls didn't even flinch. Shirou did, and a lot, however. _**"Do you thhhhink I care if you're children? I'd kill every woman, child, elder and unborn in thisssss world if I had the chance. All are the ssssssame, for there are no innocentssssss. Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death!"**_

And he opened fire.

This time, Shirou tried to reach into his breast pocket and pull the watch out in time, but before he could, he felt the explosive charge bursting into his chest and taking his hand along as well now, yet again blowing the watch he'd been trusted with into pieces. He really needed to wise up against that already, it wasn't his damn watch after all...

Then the whole world went stark white.

* * *

Emiya Shirou had been having a really bad evening. So far, he'd fallen asleep while leaving the school, woken up with really bad nightmares of being stabbed and shot twice, been stabbed, somehow recovered but in extreme pain-

Oh, shit. He was simply fucked no matter whatever he did, right?

He sat there thinking, trying desperately to find a solution for his predicament, but since the universe didn't have that much time in it before long he had been found by and had to run again from a maniac skeleton in a fascistic uniform chasing and shooting at him, and was now bleeding to death a couple blocks away from the building where Headmaster Konoe kept his offices. He supported himself on a wall, gasping for air and coughing blood up, feeling his eyesight failing him and his mind spinning in fire. He tried to call out for the staffers of the building, since there had to be working there at the time, like a security guard or something, but his voice just wouldn't come out like he wanted it to.

"I... I don't want to die..." he lamented to himself, lowering his head while the sidewalk under him began glowing.

And now, things were starting to change again…

"Are you… my Master?"

Shirou had collapsed on his stomach, trying to get back up by supporting himself on a pair of shiny black boots. Those boots were in the feet of a very, very tall and well muscled man with dark skin and white hair, although he seemed to still be young otherwise. He also wore black pants and shirt, with a long red badass overcoat hanging from his torso, although someone seemed to have stolen the middle part. The first thing that struck Shirou about him, since he was heterosexual and dying but not wholly blind yet, was how handsome and imposing he looked, and that made him lose even more coherence long enough for the stranger to repeat, showing even more disgust than the man in tights, "Are **you** my Master? Seriously? Oh, for fuck's sake!"

Then a macabre figure came at full speed up the street, ramming towards the tanned man like a train at full speed. However, somehow, the tall man managed to block it very easily with nothing but a casual turn of a wrist, where he now held a short blade, piercing and hacking cruelly through a section of his attacker's decaying ribcage, although missing its center. The figure, which sure enough, was the self proclaimed Judge FUCKING AGAIN, backed away with a nasty, vicious cackle, a gun in each hand.

 _ **"Yesssssss!"**_ he hissed. _**"It'd been too long ssssssince another hurt me. I've missssssed the pain, the sssssssharp caresssssssss of a dagger going through me for ssssssssssso l-"**_

The tall man silenced him by raising a hand and quietly saying, "Don't bother."

 _ **"-huh?"**_ Judge said.

The tall man smirked, picking Shirou up by his collar. "I'm going to enjoy this," he said, before plunging one of his short blades through Shirou's heart, which at least wasn't as painful as getting shot with explosive charges. The tall man kept on smiling smugly as he watched the life slowly ebbing away from the wounded teenager. "Well, that was easy enough... Wait," he gasped, losing the smile as he saw the broken remains of the watch slipping down and out of Shirou's sliced breast pocket. "Cassiopeia?! What the hell are you doing with Cassiopeia?!"

Then the whole world went stark white.

* * *

Emiya Shirou had been having a really bad even-

"No," Shirou growled.

But-

"No," Shirou repeated with a driven, almost animal ferocity.

With a broomstick and a mop in a hand, both of which had been Reinforced to the best of his limited capacities, the red-haired boy stood his ground before his classroom's door, in the middle of the deserted hallway, waiting for his foe to show up.

"I won't flee anymore!" he swore. "Are you testing me? Then let's get over with this! I've already died over and over, you can't scare me anymore! I have no idea what kind of twisted game are you playing here, but I'm fed up with it, you hear me?! So show up already and let's finish it!"

With a hiss of pestilent smoke, the maniac skeleton in fascistic uniform appeared before him, floating above the hallway with a large gun in each hand. _**"Whhhhhat do we have hhhhere?"**_ it hissed. **_"A tardy boy, out ssssso long affffter the curffffew? Naughty boysssss sssshould be punissssshed! Ssssso let'ssss-"_**

"Cut it out, I tell you!" the annoyed Shirou told him. "Honestly, how can you be so much of a pompous jerk? Do you wake up practicing that overacting in front of a mirror?"

Judge grimaced, visibly upset by his reaction. _**"H-How did you...?"**_

Shirou through his head back and spoke, in a perfect imitation of Judge's voice and mannerisms, **_"I'd kill every woman, child, elder and unborn in thisssss world if I had the chance. All are the ssssssame, for there are no innocentssssss. Life isssss a crime, the sssssentence isssssss death!"_**

The confused Judge paused. _**"Hhhhow... Hhhhow did you know what I wasssss going to sssaay...?"**_

"Not only are youe the evil I've sworn to oppose," Shirou pointed the mop at him, "but you're also an unbearable ham full of himself! If I have to listen to that absurd speech one more time I'll kill myself, but not before kicking your sorry butt! I'm sick of your idiotic nihilism already, got that?!"

 _ **"I hhhhave no idea what are you ssssaying, we've never met before,"**_ Judge said, _**"but ifffff you're that eager to meet your maker, I'll happily sssssend you to him! Sssssssay goodbye, boy..."**_

And he took aim at Shirou.

But then, the tiles under the boy glowed again, and he felt the back of his hand burning as if it had just been stuck into a fireplace. Over the past few days he'd had a slight recurring rash there, and now that he thought about it, it'd grown worse every time he was killed, it was just he hadn't thought much on it with all the more urgent matters going on around the same time, like getting killed repeatedly. But now it was bigger than ever, to the point of eclipsing everything else, and in that moment, the ground exploded under him in massive flash of white light...

 _ **"What...?!"**_ Judge screamed, as a figure dropped from above, through the ceiling that had just had a major section of it exploding into fine dust.

"KNEEL!" shouted the large man just dropping by, madly grinning from ear to ear while unloading a pair of large guns into the shrieking Judge's body as if he were that poor, mentally unstable man who used to go around shooting people wearing a skull shirt before the Joker had killed him. He looked rather similar to the tanned man who'd killed Shirou earlier, or later, but with even darker skin, thinner lips, narrower eyes and shorter white hair. It was like he was a person of a completely different ethnicity! His black jacket was open, revealing a muscular torso with no undershirt, and there was no red in his clothes' color patterns.

"Wesley Snipes?!" Shirou gasped as the man landed on his feet between him and Judge, and his shock grew further when, in several beams of light coming from the same new hole in the ceiling, came the blond woman, the short haired girl, the man in tights, the two lolitas, and the murderous stranger in red and black from before, all quickly taking stands in front of him, ready to attack.

It seemed quite unbalanced and unfair all of a sudden, which immediately bothered Shirou's sense of decency and fair play.

"Sempai, stay behind me!" the short haired girl commanded, stepping back to cover him and herself with her shield. "I promise I won't let harm befall you this time!"

"What a bother..." sighed the earlier tanned man, swinging his short blades around. "Not only would the Counter Force not let me leave the job unfinished, but it also had to send a second rater as well..."

"Hey," his even darker counterpart chuckled grisly, reloading his guns in as flashy a way as he could manage, "this wouldn't have been necessary if you hadn't flunked it, has-been. I can smell the failure right offa you..."

"This is no time for discussions!" shouted the girl in the blue dress, swinging around... something that appeared to make the air ripple, even if no actual weapon was visible. "Not as long as evil stands! Let us strike him quick and decisively!"

"Actually, he isn't standing, but floating..." observed the little girl in the white dress, blasting the guns out off Judge's hands easily as her friend swung against his midsection, pushing him back as bones flew in all directions. "But either way, must we eliminate him? Maybe we could talk it over..."

 _ **"Kill you!"**_ Judge shouted frantically. **_"Kill you all, freakssss and abominationsssss! Your livessss disssgusssst me, for you're guilty! For life'ssssss a crime, and the sssssentenccce'sssss-!"_**

"You first, Hanging-Boy!" Wesley Snipes sneered venomously, dashing forward, producing a large twisted blade, and pushing it up and through Judge's jaw, closing his mouth much to everyone else's relief. "Welcome to Archer Alter's chamber of executions, choose your poison! How about a classic? Decapitation!"

He twisted the blade and cut the Judge's head off its neck, making Shirou wince as the helmeted skull rolled across the floor, its body still clawing around insanely, looking to slash and cut. The less extreme version of Wesley Snipes was already cutting off one of its arms, however, and the small woman with the blond bun did the same to the other, its weapon no less effective regardless of its invisibility.

 _ **"You fuckerssss!"**_ the skull spat. _**"You vermin, you sssshall pay for thissss! You can't deny the Dark Judgesssss, we will end up coming ffffor you no matter wha-!"**_

"And I shall be looking at you in the eye then, foul one!" the woman in the dress promised, bringing the invisible sword down and obliterating the skull into dust in a single, determined motion. Judge's armless body twitched and jerked, then plopped back and vanished from sight altogether even before it could touch the damaged tiles.

And just like that, it was over.

"What..." Shirou mouthed off, rattled out of his mind, eyes impossibly wide.

Wesley Snipes gave another raspy chuckle, holstering his guns back at his sides. "Nice li'l cliche there, Doll," he said. "Of course, if anyone can live up to that kind of promise, that'd be you..."

"If you say so," she coldly told him before looking back at Shirou, her look softening. "And you must indeed be my Master, then? You are too special to be just an average bystander in these ugly affairs..."

"Who would've thought it, huh?" mused the man with the spear, casually batting Judge's severed arms away with his weapon before they, too, evaporated. "I mean, I wouldn't have thought so. Must be one of those cases of great potential, but no development to speak of..."

The man in red and black looked dryly at him. "And talking about people with great unused potential. Would it have killed you give a bit more help, Lancer?"

The leaner man shrugged. "I don't find any special pleasure in ganging up against a weaker foe. Once I saw you had it in the bag, I saw no point in joining in. Well, boy?" he shifted his attention back to Shirou. "Do you have a name, or do we start calling you 'Open Mouth'?"

"Lancer-san, please," the girl with the shield and the loli in white sighed, the former adding, "show some respect! I'm sorry, Open Mouth-san, I'm sure Lancer means well."

"Ah..." the boy gasped. "I am... My, my name's Emiya Shirou! And you, you are...?"

The woman in the dress fell to a knee before him, lowering her head formally. "Saber, Servant of the Sword. Hereby I pledge my unconditional allegiance to y- Wait, did you just say 'Emiya'?"

"Sure sounded like it, huh?" the man in the long coat asked. "As for me, well, I'm Archer..."

"That's funny, I was under the impression I was Archer," Wesley Snipes said. "Since clearly only one of us is needed here, I think it's time for you to scram..."

"Make me," the other Archer frowned at him.

"Well, if you insist..."

"Please! Don't fight, don't fight!" Shirou requested. Then he looked suspiciously at the first Archer. "What, you don't want to kill me anymore?"

"Who ever said that?" Archer asked back. "Of course I want to, it's just I obviously can't. Well, not at least until I've figured this out." Before the others could protest on it, Archer flippantly pointed towards the man in tights. "As long as my instincts hold to any degree at all, this here is a Lancer, the lady with the shield is a Shielder Class Servant, and the girls are... um, well, that's a bit more difficult..." He rubbed his chin in troubled thought. "Casters, right?"

"Magical Girl (x2)!" the girls shouted as one, although one of them sounded more childishly upset, and the other more plainly annoyed.

Archer paused. "... okay. That's a thing that exists, now? Huh, figures. And this poser here is, if I'm not mistaken, some sort of Archer Alter..."

"Oh, some little boy's done his homework," Archer Alter mocked.

Archer stared harshly at him. "Alters are by their own nature tainted by evil. I won't trust fighting by the side of any corrupt monstrosities."

Archer Alter laughed. "You'll never trust fighting by anyone's side, period! I know your type all too well!"

"At least _he_ didn't try to kill me," Shirou coldly told Archer.

"Oh, he will, believe me," Archer told him, never taking his eyes off his dangerously grinning counterpart. "Not that I'll be shedding any tears if he beats me to it. In the meanwhile, though..."

"Yes?" Saber said when Archer thoughtfully trailed off, gathering his ideas and questions.

Finally, he spoke again, and the question was what the other Servants had in their own minds as well, "How have you done all of that, anyway? Summoning us all, when it should have been simply impossible for anyone?"

Unfortunately for Shirou, that was a question he shared himself.

* * *

"I thought this night would never end," Shirou admitted with an extremely tired sigh as they marched down the darkened streets of the campus, towards the Emiya household. The Servants might have made the walk there in their astral forms, invisible to the naked human eye, but after everything that had transpired, they wanted to be ready to join any fight, should an ambush arise on the way. Even if they were seen in their outlandish clothes, they always could say they were cosplayers practicing for the upcoming School Festival.

That excuse always worked. Why, some people practiced cosplaying for the school festival all year round!

Besides, Saber had reluctantly mentioned something about being unable to take a spirit form, which made Lancer and Archer Alter raise their eyebrows in interest, but Shirou was frankly too rattled to be capable of minding it too much for the time being.

At some point, Saber asked the silent, contemplative Shielder, "I've wanted to ask you this, what is the nature of your shield? I... once knew a warrior who owned one that was identical, even with the same all encompassing defense properties yours was displaying. But it would seem unlikely you would be his incarnation."

"Um, you see, it's a long story, and please forgive me if I don't feel like sharing it out in the open," Shielder meekly said, averting her gaze. "Sorry."

Saber studied her carefully, her own face unreadable. "That certainly is your right," she finally said, evenly.

"Geez," Lancer sneered out a corner of his mouth, his spear slung over his shoulders. "It's bad enough I'm summoned along with a bunch of mana drainers competing with my share from an obviously empty well, but did they have to be this depressing too? Anyone would think we're coming from a funeral. Try to keep your spirits up! We have just had a victory!"

"Curious how you would include yourself in that group," Archer Alter noted, "when all you did was swat two broken arms out of the way. But yeah, you guys are a bore! What if we go hit a bar and see who comes out of the woodwork for us? I feel like finishing this War in a single night!"

"Please. No more violence for tonight," Shirou asked through gritted teeth. "Maybe you find what happened today entertaining, but not me. I just want to go home, think things through, and see what can we do about your situation tomorrow..."

"That's awfully considerate of you, showing so much concern for our future, Master," the Magical Girl who was an exact lookalike of the Takamachis' daughter nodded. "Thank you, we're really fortunate to have you!"

"Um, thank you... Nanoha-chan, right?" Shirou rasped, his tone softening when he spoke to her. "And your friend is..."

"Just calling me 'Magical Girl' will suffice, Master," the small blonde said, polite but distant.

The other half of her duo pouted. "Mou, F-"

"Nanoha," her partner softly interrupted her, "I respect your decisions, and I realize Master had already figured your identity out from the start, but please, I don't feel comfortable sharing my own secrets around people who won't share theirs."

"I can't be blamed," Archer piously said, "I seem to have partial amnesia. No doubt a result of an improper summoning!"

"Yeah. Me too. Whatever," Archer Alter shrugged.

Lancer scowled at them. "You two are just as bad at telling lies, did you know that...? Brothers! You have to be brothers, that much's obvious! Romulus and Remus, right?"

"Why would either Romulus or Remus carry around guns?" Nanoha asked, pointing at the holsters on Alter's hips.

Archer huffed. "I have no brothers, that much I know! Thank Heavens."

"That'd be my line, except 'cause I'm an Atheist," Alter huffed even more gruffly, as if trying to outdo his counterpart. Nanoha thought that was rather childish.

 _In a different continutiy, Kuro and Illya sneezed._

Shielder sighed. "I have no problems sharing my actual identity with you. My birth name is Mashu Kyrielight."

"How do you pronounce that?" Shirou asked.

"Forget the pronunciation," Lancer snapped, "what kind of Servant are you then, Shielder? There's no famous name like that anywhere in the recorded human history, as far as the Grail bothered to inform me!"

"As I said," Shielder lowered her gaze again, "long story. My apologies, Sir."

"It's bad form for a Servant to lie," Lancer sighed, wagging a finger at her almost paternally. "You could end up like the Archers."

"Hey!" the Archers protested.

"You barely know them, you should at least give them the benefit of doubt," Saber advised Lancer. "You have to admit, the circumstances behind our summoning were... far from normal. There's no way of telling how that might have altered the way we have manifested."

"Sorry," Shirou miserably said, with his hands in his pockets. "That's my fault, I guess, even if I can't figure out how..."

"That's fair with me," Alter said.

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day," Archer added.

"I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to figure out exactly how you screwed us up, Master, so please don't worry," Lancer reassured him.

"That's... a very bad way to comfort someone, Lancer-san," Nanoha said before patting the downcast Shirou's back. "There, there, Master, none of this is your fault, how could it be? After all, it's not like you have control over the way time works or anything like that. We'll work together to learn who's behind this, and then-!"

Then Archer Alter tensed up, coming to a sudden halt, the twin handguns apparently sliding out his sleeves and into his hands. "Shut up, idiots! Another Servant. Or something like one, at least. It's approaching from the West."

"Yes," Shielder said, stepping right before the startled Shirou to protect him. "I can feel them now, as well."

"So soon, too," the blonde Magical Girl sighed, mildly exasperated. "At least we have an edge in numbers, but—"

"He's here," Archer growled, pulling his dual short blades out and assuming a battle stance as a tall blond figure hopped from the shadows to land on top of a nearby lamppost, casually dressed in a black biking jacket, shirt and casual jeans, smirking down lazily at them. "Oh crap, it had to be _him_."

"Archer!" Saber hissed, her own sword on the ready.

Shirou blinked. "Um, _another_ Archer, you mean?" he poked a thumb towards the tanned men. "Are you guys so cheap you come in packs of three or what?"

The newcomer laughed in a way Shirou felt it was supposed to be light and casual, but came off as terribly disturbing. "What an imbecile! Didn't you learn anything about the previous War before walking into this one? I was the Fourth Grail Archer, but any mongrel can have the role now if they want it. I have no need or desire for it anymore. Greetings, Saber. I never expected to see you again. What a wonderful gift twist of fate!"

"Ah. An ex-boyfriend?" the Magical Girl with the scythe asked Saber.

"He wishes!" Saber roared. "Why are you here, Archer?"

He leaned aside, despite the fact there was nothing on which to lean next to him but thin air, as if he owned the place and everything in it. Including the people. Especially the people. "Why wouldn't I? I currently reside here."

Saber smirked harshly. "Do you? A lowly abode for such a supposedly great king, wouldn't you say? Or have you finally learned something in the way of humility?"

"Yeah, definitely exes," the Lancer said, and the smaller blonde nodded sagely.

"We're not!" Saber growled.

"I wouldn't know anything on the subject, I grew up in isolation!" Shielder immediately claimed innocence. "I most definitely didn't learn how to hack into computers to watch porn or anything!"

"Same here," Magical Girl said quickly. Both looked equally innocent, that is to say, not at all.

"What's porn?" Nanoha asked.

The former Archer tapped on his forehead with a playful finger, as smugly as he did everything else. "What can I say? My mere presence here already makes this the most wonderful of royal palaces. And I take offense at the presence of mongrels and cockroaches in it."

"Oh, actually, we were about to leave anyway, dear Sir," Shielder pleasantly said. "You have a lovely place here, Not-Archer-san, if I may say so. But if you truly don't have anything to do with the Grail War anymore, we'll just be on our way without bothering y-"

"I don't think so," he interrupted her. "You don't get to decide when you'll leave. It is only for me to —"

"Still willing to settle personally, just between the two of us, what we left hanging ten years before, Archer?" Saber cut him short in turn. "Fine by me, but on one condition. Let's leave them out of what should be our personal duel. A long stalled match of honor like this should be honored properly."

The man's smile gained a downright 'molester' edge that sent blaring alarms all through Shirou. "Why, Saber! I'm so pleased you would show such an interest! Then, gladly I take your noble offer to become my bride through combat. The grace of a king is above obsessing over petty interlopers, after all!"

* * *

Emiya Shirou had not been having a good night at all, that much should be obvious by now.

He had, however, reached all new lows of suffering when the alleged Ex-Archer's arrogance annoyed the Lancer enough to try and dispatch him. Lancer had very quickly objected to being left out of one of the battles for the Holy Grail with a swiftness and agility that surprised Shirou. As did Lancer's capacity to absorb brutal amounts of ungodly physical punishment, which was displayed almost immediately by the blond man, who haughtily took a moment to announce himself as Gilgamesh, First and Greatest of all Kings and Heroes (his actions, in Shirou's opinion, had nothing heroic at all about them. Kingly, but not heroic).

It was astonishing to see how he could easily matched Lancer's impressive looking spear with nothing but a seemingly average wooden practice sword he had on him. It wasn't that Gilgamesh had a lot of skill, far from it, but he more than compensated his unpolished martial aptitude and modest weapon of choice with a terrifying raw power and velocity Shirou had never witnessed before.

The constant golden shower of exploding weapons also helped a little.

Lancer, to his credit, was undeterred, only grumbling something that sounded foreign, very likely European, and redoubled his efforts on the gold haired warrior, coming closer to actually spearing him through with his own breakneck speed, but still failing abysmally. He would have been killed if Saber had not jumped to his aid.

That did it, and all hell broke loose, the Servants ganging up on Gilgamesh. For all the good it did them.

Without really straining himself, almost toying with them, the odd Servant took on Shielder, Saber, Archer, Archer Alter and the weakened Lancer all at once. Well, sort of. Shielder stayed mostly behind, knowing when she was outmatched and mostly exerting herself to keep her Master safe. Archer Alter was mostly an extra inconvenience for the rest of the team, his savage attacks and inability to care about who was in his line of fire becoming almost as big liability in the battle as Gilgamesh's own actions. Much like Shielder, Archer seemed more on the defensive, as if knowing he was in a fight he couldn't win, even if he was more aggressive and managed to press Gilgamesh better. He and Saber made a surprisingly good team, but sadly not good enough.

The Magical Girls were having better success at avoiding damage by virtue of seemingly great long range attacks, staying out of Archer's immediate field while blasting at him from above, but he mostly avoided everything they threw at him with ease. Saber could tell they were holding themselves back, as well; she estimated they could just carpet bomb the battleground from the sky, but that would most likely have killed Shirou and hurt the rest of the Servants in the process.

"I grow bored," Gilgamesh had finally sighed, gesturing with a hand in a way that conveyed sheer casual power. After a brief declaration Shirou couldn't hear over the sounds of Archer Alter's savage shooting and the Magical Girls' blasting, he finished with something Emiya recognized as, _"Gate of Babylon."_

Most of them, if not all, would have died if Shielder hadn't dashed forward, using her huge shield to block most of the onslaught that followed, absorbing the majority of the hits from the more gigantic barrage of weapons raining over the battlefield, while the most agile members of the impromptu party had to scurry away with the others. A gasping Nanoha was caught by her partner in the nick of time and taken from immediate danger as poor, unfortunate Lancer took the brunt of the nonstop discharge from the Gate of Babylon, and even so, the grievously wounded Servant still had enough power to charge towards his enemy, threatening to rip him apart with a last defiant roar of agonized fury.

"YOU BASTAAAAARD!" Lancer cried before the storm of weapons dropping on him finished him off, making him explode in a flurry of small shiny particles that quickly dissipated in the air.

"Oh my gosh, you've killed Lancer!" Nanoha shouted. "You aren't human!"

Shirou, impressed by such display of might even as Shielder clenched her teeth and strained herself to protect him from the impact of every piece of Gilgamesh's arsenal hitting her shield, honestly thought Archer Alter had an opening then. Sneaking past and under Gilgamesh's barrage, running in zig-zag while the blond man laughed hysterically, the Alter came awfully close from a side, grinning as he flashed his guns out, and Shirou thought he was going to kill him for sure...

But then Gilgamesh mouthed an amused _''Enkidu,"_ and chains sprouted from the ground all around Alter, tightening themselves around him to such a degree the dark skinned man was immobilized despite his attempts to break free. Then, while he growled and kicked around in a just as futile attempt to escape the chains' grasp, Gilgamesh pierced him through twenty two times with an identical amount of bladed weapons, finally managing to skewer him out before anyone could stop him.

And then, the unmatched Servant paused as Alter slowly disappeared before him, and fixed his eyes and serpentine smirk on Saber once more.

Shirou tried to advance between them despite his body refusing to obey, and Saber stood her ground courageously, never taking her icy glare from the confidently advancing blonde, who almost strode playfully towards her. But just as Gilgamesh was about to move in for another kill, someone slid behind Shirou, grabbed him by the neck, and stabbed him through the heart, also breaking through the watch in the breast pocket in the process.

"ARCHER!" Shielder gasped in horror, her head swinging back towards them. "What have you done?!-?!"

"Emiya," Archer hissed in the mortally wounded boy's ear with an extremely troubled voice, holding him steady as the short blade went even deeper. "The watch is the key. With it, you can turn time back. But you'd better man up if you want all of us to survive this night!"

For a moment, before he could apologize as best as he could, Shirou lost consciousness again.

And once more, the universe disappeared in a stark white flash.

* * *

"Well, so it worked, thank you then," Lancer casually said as they left the building again after defeating the Judge, now with a new shared set of rather disturbing memories. "But how did it work?"

Shirou, sweating profusely, had an eyebrow giving occasional small twitches as he walked with a stiff, mechanical cadence to it. "By killing me, apparently... now it's all about killing me, right...?"

"The watch our Master was entrusted with before summoning the first of us," Archer shared without minding too much about Shirou's shaken state of mind, "is some sort of highly advanced time manipulation tool. Through some incredible coincidence, it would seem, his summoning of Saber took place at roughly the same time as his death and the watch's destruction, triggering a stable time loop of sorts that allowed him to summon the rest of us. We were still linked to him by the Grail, a force that transcends time, so whenever he was reset in time, so were we."

"Wow," Lancer said, "who'd have thought it? You're some sort of professor, that was unexpected. And you could deduce all of that just from looking at the watch?"

Archer smiled. "I don't claim being a first hand expert. It's just I knew people who used that kind of artifacts, that's all."

"Uh-huh. From where?" Archer Alter accusingly asked.

"That much I don't remember, blink blink blink, blink blink blink blink," Archer said innocently. No one, Shirou included, actually believed him, but none was too interested on pointing that out yet.

"Are you actually saying 'blink'?" Nanoha said, confused.

"So, we should find an alternative way to Semp- Master's house, right?" Shielder asked. "So we don't run into Gilgamesh again."

"Yeah, 'cause that worked so well with Judge," Archer Alter said. "It's Fate, and the bastard's very mobile, he'll find us no matter wherever we go. But this time we gotta be prepared for him!"

"And why was he looking for us in the first place?" Nanoha asked.

"Maybe he somehow felt Judge's defeat. It's even likely they were allied somehow," Archer pondered. "Or perhaps he was simply attracted to Saber. Looks like they have a history together, after all," he blandly smiled the scowling blonde's way.

"We do know each other, from the Fourth Grail War," Saber stoically admitted. "There we were adversaries during the final conflict, but I never imagined I would see him again, much less here. Destiny works in truly mysterious ways, obviously."

"That's interesting," Magical Girl noted. "So you have memories from a prior Grail War? I was under the impression that was impossible for a Servant."

Saber half-smiled. "You will find out I am unusual as a Servant in a lot of ways, should our acquaitance last long enough."

"I have no idea what are you guys talking about," Shirou meekly said, stopping by with a truly haunted, yet subdued, expression. "I mean, my father told me a few things about Grail Wars, but-"

"That doesn't matter now," Archer told him. "There'll be time enough to get things through your thick skull later. What matters now is we don't have the firepower needed to challenge Gilgamesh. I'm afraid we need you to summon another of us."

"Nonsense!" Saber protested. "Last time we fought, I had him almost evenly matched. Tonight I was simply taken by surprise, and-!"

Archer sighed, pointing at Shirou. "I assume back then you had a better Master than this brat? I don't doubt you were that impressive back then, since Gilgamesh sort of respects you at all from those times, but even the best Servant will lose aptitude with a subpar Master, and this guy is as subpar as they come."

"Hey!" Shirou said.

"It pains me to say it," Magical Girl said, "but you have to admit you seem awfully unfit for the task, Master."

"I agree, Master," her living weapon said, and added after a short pause, "And Master."

Archer Alter folded his arms and grumbled. "Yeah, well, you've got a good point there..."

"I suppose it's that E-ranked luck screwing me over, ah well," Lancer sighed. "Fine, that sort of makes sense, the best we could hope for until we find better Masters is overwhelming that bastard with sheer numbers. I can deal with that. I've fought alongside armies, after all."

"Good to see you aren't that arrogant after all," Saber approved. "But, how do we get Master to summon another Servant? That, too, should be simply impossible..."

"Oh, we've only got to repeat the procedure that worked before," Archer explained. "He's got to activate the Cassiopeia mechanism at the same time his demise triggers the time loop again. That should cheat us through another Contract with a new Heroic Soul again..."

"You mean we have to die again?!" Shirou and Lancer cried.

Archer Alter just exhaled. "What a bother, but whatever, I'm used to pain as long as I can pay it back later."

"Whatever you are going to do, please do it quickly," Shielder asked, tensing up as she raised her gaze and prepared her shield. "He's here again..."

"Yeah, like clockwork," Archer growled, pulling his dual short blades out and assuming a battle stance as a tall blond figure hopped from the shadows to land on top of a nearby lamppost, casually dressed in a black biking jumpsuit with an open jacket, and smirking down lazily at them. "You can say any bad thing you want about this guy, but not that he can't be reliable when it comes to being a pest..."

"Archer!" Saber hissed, her own sword on the ready.

Shirou closed his eyes in resignation and went through the motions until he had one of Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon-propelled curved scimitars flung through his stomach. At this point he only sighed copious amounts of blood, pulled the Cassiopeia out of his pocket with his last remaining energies, muttered a heartfelt, "Sorry, Yotsuba-san," and flung it down, smashing it against the pavement. "But I really don't want to die...!"

And the pavement under him glowed. Then the light took form, and a figure emerged from it before the boulevard returned to darkness.

It was female. Slim and relatively tall, with short reddish hair that covered most of her face in thick bangs. There was something unnatural about the way she stood, as if she was a doll standing on metallic high heels. She wore a long and elegant white dress, almost bridal, and held a long metallic mace in her hands. On her forehead, a golden tiara with a sharp horn protruding from it.

"I… am…" She spoke with extreme difficulty at first, and her voice was flat and lifeless. "A Servant. Of… the Berserker class. Are you my Master?"

The dying Shirou tried his best to smile for her. "I... am..." He coughed small red chunks out while Gilgamesh watched on with vague interest, dispersing beaten Servants scattered all around his feet. "Welcome... Berserker..."

Then Gilgamesh gave an annoyed sigh, threw a few knives from behind through Berserker's head, and once more, the universe disappeared in a stark white flash.

* * *

"You know, it's funny," Lancer commented as they left the building, with a visibly traumatized Shirou dragging his feet behind them. "You don't really look like a Berserker."

Berserker kept herself silent, her gaze low while walking down the boulevard.

"I've never fought a Berserker myself," Nanoha said. "How are they supposed to look?"

"How are they-" Lancer repeated incredulously. "Well, kid, the word itself says it, doesn't it? Didn't the Grail tell you about it? A Berserker should be rampaging, brutal, a beast out of their mind... I should know, I would qualify for one if summoned properly!"

"I doubt you'd fight any dumber then, though," Archer Alter chuckled venomously, as Saber and Lancer shot him poisoned glares. "What? Did I hit too close to home?"

"I see, I think I get it..." Nanoha hummed, as a thought balloon appeared over her head, showing a petite cute redhead with braids and a nice hat, her eyes crimson as she flew around swinging a large mallet in all directions. "Yeah, now I guess we've got experience fighting that kind of people after all."

The other Magical Girl looked up into her thought balloon, which is something you absolutely can do when you've achieved enough compatibility as to be qualified as the same Servant, and nodded. "Yes, we definitely do."

"Alright, I don't care about your Class, or whether you fit it or not, as long as you can fight," Archer Alter told Berserker. "We've got our hands full with this guy right now, Gilgamesh, the First of all Heroes, probably the most powerful. Hardly acts as a hero, but that's besides the point. What matters is he's a hella strong motherfucker, and you'll better pull your weight against him, got that?"

"Mind your language!" Magical Girl frowned, with her hands firmly clasped on the blinking Nanoha's ears.

Shirou sighed. "Maybe Gilgamesh would be satisfied as long as only I died? If that's what it takes to stop this massacre, I'll do it. Let's just finish this once and for all, no more returns..."

"Master, no!" Shielder gasped. "As your Servants, we depend on your existence! If you die, we would simply disappear from this world without fulfilling our goals!"

"Although," Archer cautioned, "we always could find ourselves new Masters before we disappear."

"That's easy for you to say, you and Blackie should have Independient Action," Lancer reminded him.

Archer shrugged. "Hardly our fault if you don't! So, Master, do you know of any good Magi living in this area? I'm not sure why since I have partial amnesia, I don't remember if I had said that already, but somehow the name Tohsaka keeps coming to my mind..."

Shirou blinked. "Tohsaka? Actually, I happen to know-"

"Nobody will be giving up!" Saber sternly decided, slamming her invisible sword down and making the street tremble. "We are warriors! With great pride! We are the best mankind has to offer through its history! We shall not falter in the face of the world's first... braggart! We shall keep on fighting until we achieve victory! There is no other option! And anyone saying different will have to fight me first!"

Archer blinked a few times, then raised his hands in a quiet placating gesture. "... okay, I was just trying to lighten the mood. There's no need to get all emotional..."

"..." Berserker said, most likely rather baffled at finding herself in such a faction of mismatched, hopelessly outmatched weird people. Somehow it gave her a faint feeling of _deja vu_...

"Whatever you are going to do, please do it quickly," Shielder asked, tensing up as she raised her gaze and prepared her shield. "He's here again..."

"Yeah, like clockwork," Archer growled, pulling his dual short blades out and assuming a battle stance as a tall blond figure hopped from the shadows to land on top of a nearby lamppost, casually dressed in a black biking jumpsuit with an open jacket, and smirking down lazily at them. "You can say any bad thing you want about this guy, but not that he can't be reliable when it comes to being a pest..."

"Archer!" Saber hissed, her own sword on the ready.

"Must you repeat the same lines over and over again?!" Shirou protested. "Seriously, people, you're aware this has happened before, what's the point?!"

Shielder, Archer and Saber briefly put on slightly ashamed looks. "... sorry," Shielder meekly said. "It just came to me without even thinking about it, Master..."

"Hu hu hu hu!" Gilgamesh laughed arrogantly, folding his arms as he looked down at the gathered mongrels. "Why do you surround yourself with fools and rabble now, Saber?! Don't you remember your illustrious past, fighting along worthy crusaders like the King of Conquerors and- well, only the two of you, actually, but seriously, even the mouth breather with the spear from back then looked worthier than this one, ah ha ha ha!"

"YOU BASTAAAAARD!" Lancer cried before leaping towards the confident King of Heroes, thrusting his long sharp weapon ahead of himself...

Magical Girl sighed. "Are we sure he wasn't actually summoned as a Berserker THIS time? He's acting like one more than Berserker-san..."

Blushing faintly and feeling like she was obliged to honor her name, Berserker raised her mace and also charged ahead. "Rrrr-aaaaaaaaaa..." she stiffly 'roared', in a hardly impressive way, while running forth to join the freshly re-started melee.

Shirou closed his eyes in resignation and went through the motions until he had not one but two of Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon-propelled curved scimitars flung through his stomach. Again! At this point he only sighed copious amounts of blood, pulled the Cassiopeia out of his pocket with his last remaining energies, muttered a half hearted, "Sorry, Dad, not only am I a sorry excuse for a Hero of Justice, but I'm not even good at looking after a freaking pocket watch..." and flung it down, smashing it against the pavement. "But I still don't want to die...!"

And the pavement under him glowed. Then the light took form, and a figure emerged from it before the boulevard returned to darkness.

It was another female. A very pretty young woman with long, silky smooth dark hair standing right before Shirou's magical circle of light. She wore a mostly white garment that was highly revealing, showing off a lot of succulent cleavage and long, slender legs in tall blue stockings. Despite of that, her clothes also gave the impression of belonging to some sort of religious order from their overall design choices, like the cross motif in the opening of her chest. Not to mention the gigantic cross that she carried around, assuming that was actually a cross and not a cross-shaped lance or gun or sword or rocket ship or whatever, that was.

"Greetings, Master!" she friendly told him. "I am Servant Ruler!" the newcomer smiled proudly. "An emissary of Heaven out to correct the mistakes of this Grail War! A tool of our Lord's all-benevolent will, out to prevent further divergences from the rightful Grand Order of this conflagration! I will save the world alongside you against all of the World's Evils, without any hesitation!"

Shirou cracked a weak, bloody smile. "Hello, Ruler-san... Nice to meet you... You look like a nice person..."

"Mas... ter..." Berserker groggily gurgled from the ground, her face currently being smashed down under Gilgamesh's heel. Most of the other Servants already were reduced to nothingness. "Be... ware...!"

Then Gilgamesh gave an annoyed sigh and threw a few knives from behind towards Ruler's head. "What is this? More mongrels? No matter the numbers, you never will prevail! Begone, pretenders, for you offend my sight!"

However, and much to Shirou's surprise, Ruler spun around, deflecting the knives with her gigantic cross, and then shouted, slamming a hand ahead, hitting Gilgamesh across the chest in the middle of his latest boasting, and sending him flying across the street, crashing against a wall. "BA-BOW-POW! Leaving an opening, that's a pretty shameful showing for a Hero of yore! Even for a Pagan!"

Then the wall literally exploded around Gilgamesh, sending shattered bricks in all directions. One of them landed squarely on the downed Lancer's head, breaking his skull and finishing him off at last. "THAT WAS A LUCKY SHOT!" the insanely offended First of All Heroes howled savagely. "You won't get another, bit- MONGREL!"

Moments later, needless to say, the universe disappeared in a stark white flash.

* * *

"I see. Well, I don't think you should be doing that," Ruler commented as they left the building with a visibly traumatized Shirou having to be supported around by Shielder and Saber. "You are violating pretty much every other rule of the Holy Grail War! As a Ruler, I just can't allow that to happen!"

"Elaborate," Archer Alter grunted out the corner of his mouth, his hands in his pockets.

"Well," Ruler said, "not only is every master supposed to have only one Servant, and vice-versa, but you all should have realized by now this poor young man can't possibly support all of us..."

"Yeah, we had talked about that before. Repeatedly, before being destroyed messily," Lancer informed. "So we've decided to put those concerns on hold until we've figured a way out of, well, being destroyed messily. After that, we'll sort it out!"

"Most likely," Archer Alter said, "we'll kill each other until only one remains, and then that Servant will get the Master. I mean, that's what Grail Wars are about, after all. Elimination contests!"

"The more you talk about these Grail Wars, the less I like them," Shirou muttered. "And what's so Holy about them in the first place?"

Ruler sighed. "It's not only about that. You've been altering the fabric of time itself! That's a grave blasphemy! Messing around, I mean, tampering with the sacred order of nature established by our Lord!"

"Oh," Archer said, "you mean like staging a murder game where the spirits of the departed are summoned from their proper rest and made to fight each other to death over the means to gain power to perhaps rival God's? Maybe you're right and someone should do something about that, as well."

"Yeah," Archer Alter found himself agreeing, "I know I couldn't respect someone who upheld the so-called rules for that kind of savagery..."

"You never respect anyone, period!" Saber frowned at him.

Ruler looked aside innocently. "That... That's a wholly different thing! If I'm here that's because the Lord has approved of this War's existence, and my only purpose here is to establish measures so only those law abiding remain! That means the winner wouldn't be likely to use the Grail's power for evil purposes!"

Lancer smirked. "Someone's never heard of Lawful Evil, I see..."

"Okay, let's stop the discussion already," Magical Girl raised a hand. It was a testament to her seriousness and presence everybody present stopped and paid attention despite her short stature and adorable appearance. Perhaps the menacing scythe helped too. Or the realization they were being less serious than a ten year-old. "Ruler, I understand your concerns and even sympathize with them, and I won't deny you raise several valid points. However, that must be put on hold until our common enemy is vanquished."

"Or gained as a friend for the cause of justice!" Nanoha hopefully added.

"... yes. Or that," Magical Girl quickly agreed. "But in the meanwhile, he's obviously unhinged and extremely dangerous to everybody around. He seems to care little about showing his powers off in public, and he's clearly megalomaniacal." Briefly, she stopped to sniffle, since she was starting to get nostalgic about her mom. "And he's also an evident anomaly, as big or bigger than our combined presence in this War, so you might want to look up into that as well."

Saber nodded. "Those are wise words. It's unnatural he still remains in this world long after the last Grail War, and with his memories of it intact as well..."

Lancer frowned. "Doesn't the same principle apply to you as well?"

Berserker then suddenly pointed up before Ruler could answer on the subject. "He's... back..." she monotoned.

"Okay, Ruler, this is your turn to shine," Archer growled, pulling out his short dual blades and assuming a battle stance as a tall blond figure hopped from the shadows to land on top of a nearby lamppost, casually dressed in a black biking jumpsuit with an open jacket, and smirking down lazily at them. "This time you can't say you're being thrown into this without any preparation. So make sure to give your best, and maybe we won't have to kill our Master again..."

"Yeah. That would be nice," Shirou said.

"Archer!" Saber hissed, her own sword on the ready.

"Ah, ha ha ha ha!" Gilgamesh laughed arrogantly, folding his arms as he looked down at the gathered mongrels. "Why do you surround yourself with fools and rabble now, Saber?! Don't you remember your illustrious past, fighting along worthy crusaders like the King of Conquerors and- well, only the two of you, actually, but seriously, even the mouth breather with the spear from back then looked worthier than this one, ah ha ha ha!"

Lancer grinned. "Good try, Golden Boy, but I'm better than that. I know I'm the best man of us, so I won't pay any attention to your half baked heckling. I'm much wiser than I was a lifetime ago... earlier tonight!"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha, what's with that nonsense, mongrel?" Gilgamesh further mocked him. "Your words are absurdly strung together! Are you all Saber's court jesters? That's the only explanation I can find for such a ridiculous entourage!"

"Say whatever you want, sinner!" Ruler chastised him. "But the righteous won't be turned by your snake tongue! We shall remain straight in our path, for ego and pride matter nothing in the face of our most sacred mission! Prepare yourself! As Servant Ruler, I will set you in the road to enlightening! Repent your misdeeds!"

"Oh, ho ho ho!" Gilgamesh laughed. "Lectured by a harlot making a mockery of clerical attire? That is hilarious! You make the false priest I know look virtuous! No doubt, you were the one to redefine the term 'nunnery' during your lifetime...!"

"YOU BLASPHEMEEEEEER!" Ruler cried, suddenly snapping with a hideous fast appearing grimace before leaping towards the confident King of Heroes, thrusting with her long sharp cross staff...

Nanoha blinked. "What's a harlot, and what's so offensive about a nunnery? That's just a place for Catholic miko to live in, right?"

Magical Girl sighed. "Ask the Grail as soon as we have summoned it, Nanoha-chan..." she said before flying up to join Ruler's side.

Blushing faintly and feeling like she was obliged to honor her name, Berserker raised her mace and also charged ahead. "Rrrr-aaaaaaaaaa..." she stiffly 'roared', in a hardly impressive way, while running forth to join the freshly re-started melee.

Shirou closed his eyes in resignation and went through the motions until he had not one but three of Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon-propelled curved scimitars flung through his stomach. Well, never let be said the guy didn't keep continuously striving to outdo himself, at least. No wonder he'd gotten to be King. At this point Shirou only sighed copious amounts of blood, pulled the Cassiopeia out of his pocket with his last remaining energies, muttered a half hearted, "Sorry, Dad, nuhh uhh gluh glug duh..." He realized his mouth was too full of blood now as to allow him correct speech, and simply flung the watch down, smashing it against the pavement. "Fuhguh uth, uh jush dun wunnu duh...!"

And the pavement under him glowed. Then the light took form, and a figure emerged from it before the boulevard returned to darkness.

Shirou's skin crawled. That golden hair. That tall, imposing physique, not overly muscular but clearly strong anyway. Those sharp, serpentine eyes. That smug, vicious smile. The way those arms were folded. This newcomer might be wearing voluminous and richly elaborate golden armor that made him look a lot bigger and bulkier than he actually was, and thus larger that the Gilgamesh they had been fighting, but there was no mistake, it was the exact same man. It wasn't even like with Archer and Archer Alter, where they only looked vaguely samey but still rather different all in all, no. These were literal twins in different clothes...

And then, as the definite proof and clincher, that laugh.

"Bwa-ha ha ha ha haaaa!" the new Servant cackled over Lancer's moans of great physical pain. At least it didn't look like any of the Servants had died yet, even if they were all badly beaten all over the street. "What is this? Who summons me, the great and powerful Gilgamesh, first and foremost of all heroes, in the middle of a senseless carnage? Do I look like a last resource to stop a disastrous campaign? Who dares- Oh?"

His gaze had just met the other Gilgamesh's, who had just stopped rattling a spiral-eyed Shielder around, and they both stared at each other. Metaphorical lightning flashed between their eyes.

"..." the Gilgameshs (Gilgameshi?) said.

Saber looked up from her current position, raising her face from a pool of her own blood, and then let out the ultimate strangled squeal of complete and utter disgust.

"Ah..." Nanoha said from where she was all but impaled on a sharp fence down the street.

"This just isn't my day," Ruler decided, putting a delicate hand to her badly swollen face.

And then the Gilgameshi (Gilgameshs?) bristling with blinding fury, each one holding a massive sword in hand, jumped for the other's throat with a mad battle cry of **"FAAAKERRRRRRRR!"**

Moments later, needless to say, the universe disappeared in a stark white flash. 

* * *

"Negi-sensei?" Hasegawa Chisame asked early the next morning, looking out through a window of the living quarters she shared with her boy teacher and eccentric teen genius Hakase Satomi, plus some ermine. "Why is the whole length of Nasu Boulevard a smoking crater surrounded by police tape?"

"Gas leak," Negi Springfield quickly answered in between bites of his breakfast.

"That was only a rhetorical question," Chisame said, "how could you already kn-"

"Trust me, it'll be a gas leak no matter what," Negi sighed, gesturing at her to get back to the table.

Chisame decided she was actually okay with that explanation and let it slide, making her way back to breakfast.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	2. Chapter 2

People die when they are killed.

That's something Emiya Shirou had always known, he and every other individual with two brain cells to rub together, but his absolute certainty of that fact had grown even stronger during the prior night, when he- oh, who are we kidding, if you're reading this, you must have read the first chapter already, you don't need a freaking recap. Let's move on.

So, very early that morning, Emiya Shirou sat in his wide living room, which would have been rightfully called luxurious had it had more furniture. Then again, he and his father had been people of simple tastes, and while Shirou's home couldn't be honestly called spartan (because there were no sex-slaves or a bottomless pit), it was remarkably subdued and old fashioned in style for a teenager living on his own. Most of his current Servants could at least appreciate that part of him.

"Okay," Shirou finally said in a hollow tone, leaning his head back and sighing. A brief troubled sleep, and then half a hour of collecting his thoughts as the Servants waited patiently. A few hours of not being savagely killed off, that was great. He'd gained a newfound respect for that often overlooked pleasure of life. "Now what?"

"I suggest," Saber opined, before anyone else could beat her to the punch, "the first thing we should do now is locate the supervisor of the current Grail War and question them on the War's proceedings so far."

Lancer pointed at Ruler. "Isn't knowing that kind of thing part and parcel of her Class duties?"

Ruler blushed slightly, looking down. "Well, actually, yes, however... This is an unusual situation, you see usually a Ruler would be bound to the Holy Grail itself as their direct source of mana. In a way, you could oversimplify things by saying the Grail should be my Master, and through our connection it would be easier for me to gain information about the War's events. But in this case, I have been linked to Master Emiya instead..."

"Weren't you saying something about anomalies earlier, and yet it turns out you're an anomaly as Ruler yourself?" Archer asked her.

"Definitely with the Church," Lancer agreed.

Ruler pouted. "Puu! I don't have any control over the circumstances surrounding my summoning, but that doesn't mean I should stop trying to prevent more from arising!"

Shirou exhaled. "Never mind that now. It can't be helped, right? So, who's this supervisor we should be looking for, then?"

"Normally," Saber again took the lead as the sole veteran from a prior War who could actually remember it rather than only relying on information supplied by the Throne of Heroes, "the Church is supposed to send a delegate to act as referee for a War, since they are intended to be a neutral third party detached from allegiances to any particular clans of magi."

"Key term being 'intended to'," Gilgamesh gruffly said from where he sat apart from the others and with his back turned on them, flipping through the channels on Shirou's television. He wanted to get the freshest information he could find on this new world he'd been dragged onto, to see if it was worth conquering or even sparing at all. The Grail supplied the basics for everyday existence but didn't paint a full picture either, after all. "As with anything not controlled by my perfect self, violations and abuse of the rules are always bound to exist."

The Servants and Shirou looked at him in contemplative silence for a few moments. After his help was decisive in defeating the other Gilgamesh, the golden Archer had at first sneered and turned away from them, dismissing them as gnats before disappearing into the night. Yet shortly after he had shown at Shirou's home, claiming the city was deadly dull and boring at those hours, and saying he'd stay over for a day or two, since it was HIS house after all. Shirou, not wanting a repeat of the fight against the first Gilgamesh, had not protested and even quickly agreed when Archer demanded for some of his casual clothes to put on. Saber had dared to ask how he'd found Shirou's house, but the golden Archer had handwaved it by saying he had been the First Tracker, after all. He looked to be going back to his roots as the First NEET though.

"Okay," Shirou finally said, returning his attention to his first Archer, Saber, Lancer, the Magical Girls, Shielder, Ruler and Berserker. The last of whom sat in the corner, very quiet, straight and still, with her fists on her lap. "I'll do that, but first, I have to go to school. I have a very important test early today and I can't fail it. Not to mention soon my homeroom teacher will come for breakfast, and if she doesn't see me here or there..."

Nanoha blinked. "Your teacher depends on you for breakfast, Master? Is she, ah, like your tutor or something like that?"

"Um, yeah, you could say that," Shirou admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "Fujimura-sensei has looked after me for years. She and her family were good friends of my father, and she's been keeping a close eye on me since Dad passed away." He sighed, missing on the subtle twitch in Saber's expression at the last bit of info. "So I'd be thankful if you guys were to stay out of her sight when she arrives, I'm going to have a hard time explaining your presence here..."

"Welcome, Mr. Alter," Berserker very softly said, not moving at all from her spot, before Archer Alter kicked the front door open, startling Shirou and smirking from ear to ear.

"It's done!" he loudly announced, as Gilgamesh muttered sourly under his breath, eyes fixed on a newsflash of a muscular Adonis in a red cape and red and blue tights brutally battling a similarly clad hideous monster on the streets of a major metropolis. "They'll never find him now!"

Saber nodded. "Thank you for disposing of that grim responsibility for us, Archer Alter. It's a gesture that won't be forgotten."

"You didn't just throw him down a river, went to a bar and called it a job, did you?" Lancer accused.

"Give me a break," Alter growled, "if there's something I'm good at, that's at taking care of dead people! I got rid of him, _then_ went to a bar!"

"Please, don't talk about it like that..." Shirou cringed, visibly disturbed. "Even if he was our enemy, he still was... a human being!"

It had been far easier with Judge, who had a very inhuman appearance and had simply vanished when killed, but when the other Gilgamesh was finished at last by a blade thrown between his eyes, he had left a very human body behind, something that greatly surprised the other Servants and freaked the hell out of Shirou. Archer Alter and, most disturbingly, the Archer Gilgamesh had been the first to recover, with the red and black clad Archer quickly following their cue. Shirou guessed the Archer Class was made of ruthless bastards, apparently.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, his spirit will live on with us!" Alter said, pointing a thumb towards the fuming Gilgamesh, who was not distracted enough to stop himself from sneering angrily in his general direction. The way you'd scoff at a very annoying mosquito when you are too tired to care to splat them in midair. "By the way, are you expecting any visits, Pencilneck? Because I just saw a broad coming here from the other direction, and let me tell you, she's a hot piece of ass..."

"Oh crap," Shirou snapped in alarm, looking at the watch on his wall. "She woke up early! Now of all days!"

Berserker quietly held the Cassiopeia up for him.

"No!" Shirou hissed, snatching the watch back to his breast pocket and tucking it in. "This isn't THAT kind of emergency... yet!"

"Yet?" the blond Loli asked with slight interest.

Shirou shuddered. "You don't know Fujimura-sensei the way I do...!"

* * *

 _Fate/Stay Night_ , _Fate Hollow Ataraxia_ , _Fate Zero_ , _Fate EXTRA_ , _Fate Extella_ , _Fate Apocrypha_ , _Fate Strange Fake_ , _Fate Prototype_ , _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ and _Fate Grand Order_ are creations and properties of Type-Moon.

 **Cycle of Violence**.

 **Another alternate vision of the Unequally Rational and Emotional universe**.

Inspired by 'What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant' by Mereo Flere.

 **Chapter Two: Unlimited Headache Works**.

* * *

"Please hide yourselves!" Shirou begged, quickly standing up and waving his hands towards the Servants. "I don't know, don't let yourselves be seen! Disappear!"

Nanoha blinked. "Okay, if that's what you want!" she said, and then simply vanished into thin air, almost at the same time as the other half of her Servant. Almost immediately, Ruler, Archer, Shielder, Berserker, Lancer and Archer Alter also disappeared from sight in quick succession.

"Gah!" Shirou pulled back, startled. "I-I didn't mean it literally, but okay, that works too!"

"And don't come back!" Gilgamesh snarled, turning the volume up. He gave Saber an annoyed glare over his shoulder. "What about you, woman? Disobeying your dear Master's orders?" he taunted her.

She shook her head, actually preferring his curt dislike to the other Gilgamesh's disgusting infatuation with her. All in all, she was better at dealing with people hating her than loving her; the former she could handle, the latter tended to befuddle and confuse her. "I cannot assume a spiritual form. What's your excuse?"

"I just don't wish to. What other reason do I need?" the King of Heroes scoffed, ripping a bag of snacks open. "Are you seriously that limited? Pathetic!"

"Please, Gilgamesh-san," Shirou requested in a strained tone, "let's just save ourselves a lot of-" Then the doorbell rang, saving Shirou from being attacked by a Servant offended at being ordered around. Shirou didn't see it that way, though. "Geez! Too late!"

"Shiiii-rouuuuu!" a woman's voice called from the outside. "I know you're up already, your lights are on and I can hear the TV! I'm hungry, Shirouuuuuu!"

"Actually, Master," Saber said, putting a hand to her stomach, "I'm hungry as well."

Shirou grimaced. "Listen, Saber-san, I'll cook you something nice right away, but please, don't let Sensei see you like that..." he asked, moving towards the door and thanking God Gilgamesh was, at the very least, clad in everyday clothes. After quickly praying to the Heavens in his mind (and deciding he'd been hanging around the school's Christians too long), he steeled himself and opened the door, smiling awkwardly. "G-Good morning, Sensei! You're up early, I see, why don't y-"

"Yeah," the woman with short brown hair nodded, quickly walking in past Shirou as if he weren't even there, wearing an unzipped jacket over her striped black and yellow blouse and blue jeans. She was still rather young and vital looking, down to her energetic, intense behavior. "You know how it is, with the Festival almost here, we're working overtime from- Oh," she stopped, giving Saber a shocked look. "Does Sakura know about this?"

"S-Sensei!" Shirou gasped, closing the door behind himself. "I can explain this, I, she, hmm-!"

Saber bowed politely at the newcomer, now wearing a long blue skirt and modest, functional white blouse instead of her blue battle dress. Shirou had no idea how she'd changed herself so quickly, but he was glad she had, nonetheless. "Pleased to meet you, Ma'am. You must be Shirou's teacher?"

Taiga frowned, with a fist cocked on a hip. "Yeah. Fujimura Taiga, his homeroom teacher AND legal guardian, as a matter of fact! And you, young lady, would be...?"

"I'm nothing but a humble retainer who was adopted by the family of Emiya Kiritsugu's illustrious and sadly late wife," Saber quietly answered. "You may call me Saber von Einzbern."

Taiga gasped quietly while Shirou's eyes shrank down to the size of dots. "Kiritsugu's wife?! Uh, well, then, pleased to meet you too, Einzbern-san!" she almost blushed while clumsily bowing back to the Servant. "Any friend or relative of his wife's my friend too. I never met her, but he always spoke highly of her... ah... but, but you're so young! You must have been a child when she died!"

Saber smiled gently. "I am actually a fair bit older than I appear to be, but..."

Then Gilgamesh broke into laughter, making Taiga realize his presence at last and Shirou to cringe and shudder again. The blond man slapped his knee and shook his head. "Saber! Really creative naming there, woman! I see you weren't chosen because of your br-"

"Hey, I know you!" Taiga snapped at him. "You're that guy who hangs around the church a lot! Not a staffer, but too old to be a student! I've always wanted to ask you, what's your deal anyway, huh? Are you Father Kirei's gardener, or his-"

Gilgamesh immediately stopped laughing, then icily growled, "You must be mistaking me for someone else, wen-"

"No, no, don't take me for a fool, mister!" Taiga wagged a finger. "That's you all right, those yankee looks are unmistakable! Look, there's no shame in being a gard-"

"Actually," Saber quickly interrupted her because there was reason for another time loop, "that man you are talking about is his twin brother, Ma'am."

"Like hell he is!" Gilgamesh protested.

"But he won't be around anymore, he just went on a long vacation, leaving him here in his stead," Saber explained as Shirou felt the floor slowly creaking right under his feet.

"Like hell to that, too!" Gilgamesh barked.

"Please excuse him," Saber told Taiga, "they never got along well."

"Of course I couldn't get along with him, why should I have?!" Gilgamesh angrily turned back to the TV, reaching for another bag of junk food with Jumbo Cheese. "I have no patience for pretenders and fakers!"

Taiga pondered the words of this rude young man with a fierce frown, then stared at Shirou, who tried to smile sheepishly and shrug.

The young female adult sighed. Shirou was just too nice for his own sake and always let everyone take advantage of him. No doubt that drifter had imposed himself upon him and Shirou just couldn't say no. "Well, and how long will you be staying here, Mister...?"

"Gilgamesh," he haughtily answered, watching how the man with the godlike powers in the screen was joined by a shapely young blonde, a huge metal man holding a gigantic steel mallet and an actual, four legged white mongrel all wearing the same type of capes, plus a teenaged lad in jeans and a black T-shirt with the same 'S' shield on his chest as the others (save the dog). Together, they fought the misshapen man from before, a half-mechanical man, a man with an 'U' shield on his barrel chest, and a sleek mysterious man with shades, all of them also wearing the same basic type of costume. "Hm. That man has got a lot of fakers around himself!"

Taiga looked at the TV. "Ah, Superman-sama? Yeah, well, everyone knows that. Don't try to derail the conversation, Mister, I was asking-"

"I'll stay around one week or so," Gilgamesh non chalantly said, "until I have figured out my next move in this world! Now hush, the battle is growing interesting!"

Taiga kept on humming deeply. "I see... Well, that's good to know," she muttered, again staring at Shirou while he made silent placating gestures at her. "We're going to have a good talk about this later," she threatened by just moving her mouth expressively enough he couldn't help but reading her lips, and Shirou almost crumbled down on himself with a miserable sigh. "Now, Shirou, what about breakfast? Are you going to keep three guests at your house starving? Your father wouldn't approve!"

"Indeed, Professor," Saber nodded at Taiga. "I was just telling Shirou I was rather hungry before you came through our door..."

"'Our'?!" Taiga blinked exaggeratedly.

"Yes, what they said, mongrel!" Gilgamesh called out, waving a few empty bags. "I feel offended, having to subsist under this miserable roof on nothing but these trash meals I took from that shop! So hurry! My patience grows thin!"

"... I'll go fix something quick and nice, please don't kill each other!" Shirou nearly whimpered before hurrying to the kitchen, resisting the overwhelming urge to just escaping through the house's back door and never stopping running until reaching the ocean.

Once alone, Saber looked at Taiga again. "So," she asked, "has he always been this nervous?"

* * *

Fortunately, Sakura had called shortly after, saying she wouldn't be coming over for the next few days. Something about helping her sister with a major project of hers. Shirou, in all honesty, felt kind of bad about feeling relieved from that, as he honestly liked Sakura's company, but under the present circumstances, and given he'd barely survived breakfast with Taiga, Saber and Gilgamesh without any of them killing him and the others, he guessed he could be excused for feeling that way. It wasn't as if he disliked her or anything! It was merely out of overwhelming fear and terror for her safety, hmph!

Actually, once everything had been said and done, he supposed Fuji-nee and Gilgamesh had even actually bonded a bit, despite neither of them understanding the other at all. Pulling out a few of the bottles of sake Dad had stashed away had helped, even if Shirou had neded to restrain Taiga from drinking too much that early. With the promise of having an actual drinking duel with the gaijin delinquent later, the rambunctious teacher had finally left, and Shirou sighed contentedly before realizing his problems were still far from over.

"You can't be allowed to be away from home on your own," Saber had said. "At least one of us should be around you at all times, in the event of an enemy attack!"

"Come on, who would be attacking me in the open, before everyone else?" Shirou had complained. "You said it yourselves, the Grail War is supposed to be fought in secrecy, and even Judge and Gil—the other guy attacked us in the dead of night, so what are the chances someone would be dumb enough as to tip their hand?"

"Dumb or insane," Saber cautioned. "The Caster from the prior War was a mad practitioner of the dark arts who certainly was never afraid of performing gruesome mass killings in the open."

"Then how come we never heard about those things before?" Shirou asked.

"The Magic Associations have many ways to perform cover-ups of events they wish to remain a secret, Semp—Master," Shielder said. "They have been able to even explain away the disappearances of whole cities and countries—starting with the Atlantis, back in ancient times!"

"You can call me Sempai if you want, Mashu-san," Shirou allowed, seeing Shielder had as many problems getting used to call him 'Master' as he had with being addressed that way.

The short haired girl paused, blushed a bit, and smiled awkwardly. "Thank you, Sempai. I'd like that a very lot!"

"Besides," Archer Alter piped in, " a skilled enough Assassin, or hell, even an Archer like I, could just snipe at you from a distance and make it look like an accident, or a random health issue that brought you down out of the blue. There are many weapons and Noble Phantasms that can kill without leaving a trace, you dumbass!"

Shirou nodded, then sighed. "All right. I get it," he said, deciding not to ask what a Noble Phantasm was yet. "Any of you can come along, as long as you promise staying in that invisible form and not disturb the school's peace—What's so funny?" he frowned at the first Archer.

The man in red and black chuckled. "Nothing. It's just that I doubt this school is very peaceful at all, with teachers like that lady…"

"Quiet, you, Fuji-nee's an excellent woman," Shirou chided.

"Oh, I think we all could see that!" Lancer smirked, then shared a knowing fistbump with Alter that earned further frowns from Shirou, Saber, Ruler, Shielder and the blond Magical Girl. "What, have I said something wrong? Don't worry, Master, we won't cause any trouble unless others start it, you have my word."

"Count me out of it. I have no time or willingness to act as a commoner's bodyguard during the banality of his everyday life!" Gilgamesh warned from where he looked through Shirou's books, hoping to learn even more about that world. He had owned the First Library Card (printed in gold™), after all.

"Nobody asked you, King of Heroes," Saber coldly said before scowling as Shirou. "Master, I remind you I can't take a spirit form. What am I supposed to do then?"

"Well, making sure nobody sneaks in to set traps is important as well," Ruler said. "Why don't you handle that mission along with King Gilgamesh?"

"I'm no watchdog for anyone's house either!" Gilgamesh protested, flipping through one of the books.

Saber grimaced. "Do you mean I am to be with him all day long… all alone?"

"If he tries to take advantage of you," Shirou told her, "just call me, I'll give you my cellphone number…"

"Like that would help," Gilgamesh sniffed. "I'm no vulgar rapist anyway."

"So first-class rapist then?" Archer Alter asked.

Gilgamesh only shrugged, his eyes closed. "Rape implies there was resistence, but there is no possible resistence against my boundless charms, so..."

Ruler made the most disgusted face she ever could manage.

"I can take care of myself!" Saber roared, even more offended.

Magical Girl looked at her partner. "Aren't you going to ask what's a rap—"

Nanoha shook her head. "I'm saving that for Grail-kun, too."

Her other half nodded wisely and patted her head. "Good. That saves us all a whole lot of trouble."

* * *

"Forgive me for saying this, but you look half-dead, Shirou," the bespectacled Ryuudou Issei said over lunch behind the classroom. "Didn't you sleep well last night?"

"Uh, no, I was pulling an all-nighter for the test," Emiya blandly lied, barely touching his self-made bento box. "Can you tell?"

"Anyone could," the Class Rep told him. "Take it easy, you're pushing yourself too much of late…"

"Oh, you don't know half of it."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Sorry. Maybe I'll get to relax a bit through the Festival, that's as good a chance as any… ooohhhh…" he trailed off as he saw two little girls in Elementary school uniforms passing by, waving at him while one of them smiled and the other kept a neutral expression.

Following his gaze, Issei lifted an eyebrow. "How strange. Isn't that Testarossa-sensei's daughter?"

Shirou blinked. "The girl with Na—The girl with the kid from the Midori-ya?"

"Yes, of course," the shorter boy nodded, as dignified and nearly impassive as ever. "Don't you know Testarossa-sensei? The second wife of Tomoe-sensei, from the college district. Italian, I think. She's grown very famous lately over her many scientific discoveries, they're all over the papers. Fate-san, from what I heard, is very sickly and has to be homeschooled, but she looks healthy today, good for her…"

"So her name's Fate…" Shirou pondered quietly.

"Maybe her father was English or American, Italians aren't blond all that often," Issei shrugged before taking a measured sip from his thermos. "We're getting a lot of foreigners lately, aren't we? I mean, just look at that guy over there, how shameless…"

Shirou looked in the direction his classmate was subtly pointing towards and flinched. There he saw Lancer, standing under a tree and flirting with two giggling girls wearing tennis outfits and holding large bags over their shoulders. The high school uniform he had on gave him a rather bad case of Dawson Casting Disease, which of course didn't escape Issei's dry disapproval.

"Just look at that guy, what is he, twenty-five?" Ryuudou asked his friend. "I don't remember ever seeing him around, either. Very suspicious, if you ask me."

"Y-Yeah, can't deny that, but who cares?" Shirou uncomfortably looked away.

Issei frowned. "'Who cares?' You of all people are saying that? That's weird, normally you'd be looking into that already. You really are tired."

"I mean," Shirou rasped, "I know those girls will be okay, I know that guy's type, they're all talk and nothing else!" he raised his voice a bit angrily, hoping Lancer could hear him, but if he did, he refused to acknowledge him and continued sweet talking the young ladies. Shirou frowned. Was that the kind of protection those people were pushing for him? Not that he wanted anyone babysitting him, but he was even less fond of the idea of people using him as an excuse to go sightseeing. Couldn't they do that on their own? It wasn't like he would have objected—

Then he felt an icy shudder running up his spine, a familiar sensation of dread he had believed gone long ago with his first disastrous romantic relationship in junior high. It was the feeling of a piercing stare nailed onto him, as he almost could hear the shrill sound of an obsessive gaze being shot in his direction…

 _JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…_

Shirou trembled and looked around, but much to his relief he didn't find Tsunetsuki Matoi anywhere. However, he did get a glimpse of Berserker's hiding in some thick bushes along the student walk; while the leaves hid her completely from any casual passerby, the long sharp horn of her tiara poked out of the greenery like a particularly big and threatening torn.

On the plus side, at least someone was doing their best to keep him well watched. But he wasn't sure that was the kind of attention he wanted…!

* * *

By now, it was late enough that Shirou felt confident at last taking his Servants (and it still was so strange thinking of other people under such a term) out to look for the Church's arbiter in the War without endangering anyone else along the way. They moved in a shared uncomfortable silence down the streets, most of the Servants in spirit form to conserve energy. The sole exception was Saber, which was very unfortunate, but inevitable.

The purpose of putting on civilian clothes was being as inconspicuous as possible in the open, but Saber's current attire, while maybe trying for that effect, did anything but succeeding in Shirou's opinion. It was like in one of those old cheesy sci-fi movies where they'd disguise the giant rock monster or robot or five small aliens standing on each other's shoulder by putting a pervert's trenchcoat, a huge fedora and large sunglasses on them before sending them through a crowd, stadium or something to steal the talent of basketball players so they could have a basketball duel with the Looney Tunes.

It was a sports ensemble of blue zipped up jacket, tight black shorts, tights and baseball cap, with her hair in a golden ponytail. For some inexplicable reason, her ahoge managed to stick through the cap despite there being no hole (it was probably a legendary hero thing, like the way Superman-sama always seemed to have that curl of hair hanging over his forehead no earthly comb or hair gel could seem to defeat, and would always survive through even his toughest battles). Phrased that way it likely doesn't sound that bad, but the effect Shirou felt as he walked by her side was that of a girl trying too hard to look casual and instead looking like a complete sports nut on her way to becoming a domestic terrorist, or possibly a hooker. But he understood, from his brief association with her so far, pushing the issue most probably would be very unwise indeed.

Gilgamesh had stayed behind as expected, grouching about not needing to visit any houses of false gods, which had greatly incensed Ruler to the point it took Shirou threatening to pull another time reset to get her to back down as the golden Archer laughed. All in all, it was probably for the best he had stayed at home, even if Shirou half-feared there would be no home to return to by the time they were done with their visit.

"Um, Saber-san," Shielder asked at one point of their march, "isn't that the look of another Servant?"

"I don't know what are you talking about, Shielder," Saber replied, all business-like in stark contrast with her sporty, tomboyish current appearance. "Pray I tell, what manner of Servant would dress like this during active duty? There resides the genius of this disguise, even if I may say so. Who would ever expect one of our numbers to conceal their appearance in this manner?"

Lancer huffed. "So on top of everything else, you're a Master of Disguise too, huh?"

"Mock the concept if you wish so," Saber allowed, "but I managed to hide my gender from a whole country remarkably well for years. Not that I really tried to, it's not like it actually mattered to me one way or another, but-"

"Your companions thought it'd be easier for everyone if everybody believed you were a real man?" Shielder guessed.

"Indeed. You are perceptive," Saber nodded. "Those were other times, after all, and women had difficulties getting accepted for positions of- Beware," she abruptly stopped, gesturing for everyone else to do the same. "Can't you feel it? That's another Servant!"

Then the ground beneath their feet seemed to shake ever so lightly, once, then twice, as a gigantic lurching shape appeared in the distance slowly heading towards them, became visible, with a much smaller figure sitting atop it.

Archer's blood, despite himself, froze in his veins. Shielder frowned and then squinted as much as possible, since the smaller shape seemed oddly familiar to her for some reason. Then she remembered, the files she'd been made to study at Chaldea a lifetime ago, elsewhere. She recognized the facial features, the light hair, the creamy skin of the Einzbern homunculi line. And she almost felt like screaming, before her training kicked in and she steeled herself instead. Literally, as her armor burst into existence around herself, swiftly replacing her street clothes while the massive shield appeared in her right hand. The other servants followed suit, all appearing in flashes of light

"Shirou. Behind me!" Saber-san curtly said, but Emiya was as paralyzed as Shielder had been moments ago, although from perplexity rather than dread.

"I've been waiting for this moment, and it was about time!" the tiny, pale person sitting atop the muscular, shirtless giant with grayish skin and red eyes that almost seemed to glow said, loud and clear. Neither of them seemed upset in the slightest by the number of Servants present either. "Finally I found you Onii-chan, so I could introduce myself properly! Good afternoon, Shirou-niichan!"

She tilted her head just a bit, perfect, tiny white teeth glinting or at least giving the illusion of it, her diminutive hands wrangled into the thick, messy black, vaguely red-tinted locks of her ride's long hair. Crimson eyes feasting on the sights before her. Anticipating what there was to come.

"Your big sister's here," she said. "Your Illya-chan!"

* * *

The man was truly gigantic, a mass of grotesque muscle wielding a massive slab of rock that was to the sword what the rock is to the bullet. It was easily thrice as big as the 'Illya' girl herself. Shirou guessed that had to be her Servant, although how such a little child could summon one of these people, he had no idea. Then again, since a complete and utter novice who hadn't even trying like him had managed it, it probably wasn't all that hard. Still, he definitely gave a matching sense of threat and undiluted power all the same, and even the often stupidly brave Emiya had frozen in place where he stood, one of his hands tightly wrapped around one of Saber's wrists.

In the meanwhile, all of his Servants had followed Shielder's example, arraying themselves for battle. Even though what many of them were wearing hardly looked like the most comfortable clothes to fight in, Shirou dimly thought before his full attention returned to 'Illya', who had shifted around so she sat cross legged on a shoulder of the giant.

"Illya-san, if I heard you right?" the boy said. "Why are you here? And why are you calling me your brother? I've never seen you before, and-"

"Don't you know of her?" Saber coolly asked him, her eyes still fixed on the titan who fumed at her like a mad bull waiting to be released.

Shirou had to shake his head slowly. "No. Are particular reason why I should?"

Illya pouted, then leapt down to land on her booted feet on the sidewalk, making the Servants flinch further, and then pulling the edges of the skirt up a bit, enough as to properly accompany her subtle bowing in a cutesy curtsy, "My full name is Illyasviel von Einzbern! Daughter of Emiya Kiritsugu and Irisviel von Einzbern! Heiress to one of Europe's most prestigious magi families! 49% stockholder of Microsoft! How do you do?"

"I knew it!" Shielder hissed under her breath.

Shirou gasped. "My father's daughter?! He, he never mentioned having a daughter!"

"Oh, I'm sure he didn't," Illya said venomously, straightening up to nail a chillingly inhuman glare into Shirou's eyes. "But he sure taught you well on other things, didn't he? I wasn't expecting for a stray like you to be able to summon a Servant himself, and of the Saber class, no less. I see Father might have been able to teach you something after all. And you even got yourself an alliance of Magi around you, too! Not that I care, as many Servants as you and your friends bring against me, Heracles will murder them all, tee hee!" she boasted, tossing a bit of her hair behind her ear.

"Shit!" the normally unflappable Archer Alter's eyes widened. "Heracles?!"

Illya smirked, reaching up to gently pat on a knee of the grumbling giant. "Berserker Heracles, the strongest of all heroes, the ultimate killing machine! The rest of your Masters made the right choice staying back, otherwise I'd have him destroying the whole lot of them in the spot as well..."

"The rest of our Masters?" Nanoha asked. "Illya-san, I think you're mistaken! All of us are Emiya-san's Servants!"

Illya blinked, then blinked some more, and then gave Nanoha an annoyed glare. "Now what kind of nonsense are you saying, you idiot?"

"Well, she's right," Lancer shrugged. "We aren't too proud of it, but this guy's our collective Master."

"Hey," Shirou grunted.

Illya made a face that was almost comical. "What, no, you can't, that's just plain-!"

The Magical Girls, Archer Alter, Shielder, Saber, Berserker, Ruler, and even the sadly sighing Archer all nodded.

Illya boggled for a moment at the revelation, eyes briefly spiraling and small mouth moving incoherently, before newfound rage made her regain her senses. Angrily pointing ahead, she shouted, "So what anyway! Even if that's true, one hundred of your ugly, pathetic Servants wouldn't be a match against Heracles, Prince of Power! This just means I'll have to kill one Master instead of nine tonight! Berserker! Massacre these fools and their useless Master at once!"

Then there was a roar, not unlike that of a huge beast from a long gone era, something that might have haunted the nightmares of the first men and women in a young world, something that chilled Shirou to his very core and made the Servants ready their weapons, all of them fiercely prepared for battle.

But then, in a blink, before any of them could truly react past the primal dread or awe that roar elicited from them, the massive titan was charging at them with incredible speed, so fast as a matter of fact only one of them could react to it. That was Saber, who similarly charged forward, leaving Emiya's hand suddenly holding nothing but air, and ducking under the first mace swing of the colossus, striking with her invisible weapon at the muscular midsection of the brutish Berserker.

And Shirou could literally feel the shockwaves of the clash making the ground rattle under his feet. He had seen such display of power only in the fight against the enemy Gilgamesh; and that brought all sorts of unpleasant and burning memories back to his mind as he compared the golden warrior's power to the raw aura of power literally emanating from this behemoth, who didn't even flinch at the obviously also very powerful direct attack Saber had directed at his granitic body.

Instead of expressing any pain or being set back at all, the Berserker simply swatted Saber aside like a fly, sending her crashing against a wall. "SABER!" Shirou cried, trying to rush for her, before Shielder, still mostly reacting instinctively, held him from behind, pulling him back before the young man could advance.

"Master, no!" the Servant of the shield cried.

"But Saber-!" he began to protest.

"She'll be fine!" Shielder promised, lifting her shield to protect them, while Lancer zoomed past the fallen Saber, using his superior speed to beat the others to greeting the insane warrior's charge.

Lancer knew he was dealing with a demigod. One he'd never have known about during his former life, but one he could recognize now, after passing through the Throne of Heroes. Formidable as he himself was, he held no illusions he could defeat him without resorting to one of his trump cards. For he was dealing with someone who once had reached immortality here, but fortunately, he owned a weapon that could kill anything under the sun...

The spearman grinned. It makes no sense to fear for an identity reveal when your identity's about to be smashed down along the with rest of you. Much less when you are revealing your identity to allies, even flaky and unreliable ones. Better to go for all already. The next battle loomed as he eagerly awaited for it.

 _"Gae..."_

Shirou, in the split second after that word was growled, tensed as if feeling something he couldn't quite explain.

Berserker actually paused in his savagery, finished slapping the Magical Girls flying around him aside, frowned and stood still at the middle of the street, looking directly at the Lancer's face. As if daring him in silence.

Ruler, who had been running forward, lifting her massive cross, stopped as well. She had been about to reach the mythic warrior's side, but now understood the need to stand back while Lancer unleashed his Noble Phantasm. She only could pray to God in her mind it would be enough...

Shirou's Berserker also paused from the other direction, her mace's steel glinting with the moonlight, a perfect silver sparkle that accompanied Lancer's deep intonation, his voice booming across the whole street...

 ** _"BOLG!"_**

And the power was unleashed, and the air seemed to hum to deafening degrees, as the spear darted forward with unerring accuracy towards its intended goal.

Lancer smirked almost psychotically as his favored weapon, unerring and accurate as ever, flew directly through the muscular Berserker's chest, piercing him all the way through, and coming out his hard, wide back amidst an explosion of gore that splattered all across the street. Shirou gasped in horror, and a second later, his head snapped towards Illya, who simply stood aside watching how her Servant's hulking frame hit the pavement, causing a short miniature quake. He had expected to see the horror of a lost innocence as the child watched her Servant get assassinated before her very own eyes, but he only saw Illya giving a small confident smile.

And that unnerved him even more than Berserker's death itself.

"It is done, thusly," Lancer said, stepping back as Berserker's body grew still.

Saber was at his side now. "Congratulations, then... Cu Chulainn, Hound of Ulsher."

Lancer smirked at her, head cocked aside. "Had I known that name would sound so good coming from your lips, I'd have revealed my identity much earlier," he smoothly said, but then tensed again, as Heracles' body twitched, and an animalistic growl rose from his impressive chest. "What-?!"

"You idiot!" Archer spat, readying his blades. "Killing him just once won't do it!"

"Ha ha ha ha, indeed it won't!" Illya laughed, fists on her hips, as Berserker rose again, his chest wound closing quickly and his slab of rock swinging around. "Heracles in immortal! So know despair, inferior Servants! Your time's up!"

"Gae-!" Lancer began, trying a second attempt even though he was running low on mana already, but with a simple swing of a long arm, Heracles caught him by the head, and crushed his skull with a powerful squeeze of his oversized hand.

"Oh Dear Lord, you have killed Lancer!" Ruler gasped. "You aren't human!"

Shirou sighed and pulled Cassiopeia out.

Moments later, he managed to press the button on the golden watch just as Heracles' weapon crushed his upper body to a red jelly while Illya cheered.

He thought he got a last glimpse of a familiar burst of light, a tall, fascinating creature rising from the summon circle to greet him, with a dagger and long chain ensemble in her hands. Long and silky purple hair, tight black minidress, tall boots, a black blindfold, a curvaceous, exquisite and athletic body that would have made ninety nine percent of all women ever to live experience at least a brief flash of jealousy. Shirou, despite having just lost most brain functions, still couldn't help being rather impressed.

"Good evening," this woman softly said, her tone respectful but distant, that of a broken, strange person going through the motions. "I am Servant Rider, and you must be my Mast- Oh," she managed to add before the world vanished in a burst of white.

Shirou also thought she smelled faintly of blood, but then again it was probably the fact his head had just exploded along his neck and chest, instead.

* * *

"I see. Well, that is a certainly unusual way to perform summons," Rider said as the group walked down the street. While very soft-spoken, and silent unless given cause to speak, she was nowhere as mutism prone as the female Berserker.

"And what do you think of it?" Ruler went directly to the point.

"It's not my place to judge my Master," Rider respectfully said.

Shirou sighed. "Please speak your mind out, Rider."

"Thank you, Master," the blindfolded woman said. "I dislike it when people take shortcuts and ways around to reach their goals. I don't think it ever ends well."

It also reminded her of treacherous people with seaweed hair, but that went unsaid.

"I agree," Shirou said, "but more than half of those times I couldn't help it, and the rest of the times it was do-or-die! What else could we do?"

"There's nothing wrong with cheating as long as it gets the job done," Archer Alter opined, earning him disapproving glances from Nanoha and Ruler.

Rider lowered her head. "That's why I said I didn't want to judge the Master. I have no view of the full picture."

"There'll be time for that later," Archer said. "Right now, what matters is getting past Berserker... well, Heracles, that is. Technically, there was nothing wrong with what Lancer did..."

"Then why did you call me an idiot?!" the revived spearman protested.

"It seemed like the right thing to say at the time," Archer replied before continuing, "The thing is, while you indeed killed him, killing him just once won't do it. Heracles has to be killed twelve times, otherwise he won't die even if he's killed."

"Ahhhhh..." the other Servants said, and Shirou frowned. If he'd been the one to use that phrasing, everyone would be heckling him instead of admiring his wisdom!

Lancer, however, didn't resist the urge to push Archer around for long. "And how do you know that anyway? I don't remember that from my version of the Heracles myths..."

"Partial amnesia is partial," Archer said, and Shirou bristled even further at how he could get away with saying things that would get Shirou himself branded an idiot. The worst part was how Archer would briefly smirk at him right after saying them, too, as if rubbing that fact on his face.

At least Lancer wasn't that impressed. "Partial amnesia is also very convenient, I'd say..."

"As long as it's convenient for all of us, I'm not complaining!" Archer Alter said. "Okay, there's enough of us to deliver more than twelve killing Noble Phantasms easily if we mix it up a little, so this should be a piece of cake! Hey! New Girl! You'll do your part too, won'tcha, cupcake?"

Rider nodded. "I will. I am ready now," she said, as the ground beneath their feet seemed to shake ever so lightly, once, then twice, while a gigantic lurching shape appeared in the distance slowly heading towards them, became visible, with a much smaller figure sitting atop it.

"Just please don't hurt the girl," Shirou asked while the Servants readied themselves.

"Not making any promises, Boss!" Archer Alter chuckled, cocking his guns.

"Hurt her and I'll hurt you," the other Archer promised, in a cold tone that surprised Shirou. Well, at the very last it looked like he had some standards...

Anyway, now we flash forward past Lancer's successful first (or second, depending on your perspective) Gae Bolg, since he had figured out, why to drop something that had worked once and allowed him to be useful?

 _"Gae-!"_ Lancer tried to be useful a second/third time even though he was running low on mana already, but with a simple swing of a long arm, Heracles caught him by the head, and crushed his skull with a powerful squeeze of his oversized hand.

"Oh Zeus Almighty, you have killed Lancer!" Rider gasped. "You aren't human!"

"Well, obviously he isn't..." Fate sighed. _"Photon Lancer Multishot!"_ she shouted, aiming from above and blasting Heracles through an eye several times in quick succession, killing him again. Illya laughed, unconcerned, as her Berserker dropped again. Archer Alter sneered and aimed at her pretty little head, but Saber and Archer tackled him out of the way almost at the same time, which started a mini-three way side battle that did cost Shirou's team precious moments where they could have attacked all at once...

Rider, to her testament, did try her best. She took one of her daggers to her own throat, whispered a husky, _"Pegasus,"_ and slashed her neck from one side to the other, in a single elegant motion.

As blood hung in the air and began to twist in a design, Saber, who had always loved horses, paused leaving the Archers fighting each other and found herself staring in fascinated admiration. She found horses to be the noblest of beasts, and even though she would always be compared to the might of a lion or a dragon, she would always prefer the majestic grace of a well-bred and trained stallion or mare, who rode into battle with her knights. Surely a beast so brave an noble, worthy to go into battle with a Knight of Camelot must in some way be knight-like themselves?

And they didn't come much more majestic and imposing than this unearthly creature of power and beauty that was just appearing in the air out of Rider's blood. Saber couldn't imagine there could a horse, anywhere, more gorgeous and impressive than the being of wide spreading wings, covered by soft looking white feathers, that Rider was now mounting while holding a golden bridle.

 _Sitting on her huge throne, overlooking the prosperous lands of Equestria in Mundus Magicus, Princess Celestia, whose beauty would greatly eclipse even that of the original Pegasus, simply tilted her head aside and smiled, with a slight shrug of shoulders. Princesses don't sneeze, yo!_

Rider tossed her long purple hair back, as her horse moved his head in a half-circle and neighed loudly.

"A truly impressive Noble Phantasm, Rider," Saber congratulated, analyzing the new situation carefully while Berserker slowly stirred back to life, shielding himself from Ruler and Nanoha's best shots before lashing out savagely at them. Pegasus' wings flapped, sending mighty bursts of wind everywhere, and Rider tilted her head forward as if accepting the praise with a subtle smirk. "However, are you sure it is a useful as it is eye-catching?"

Rider chuckled. "Ufufu. I'm afraid he's still far too gentle. However, there are ways around that," she added, tightening her grip on the bridle, which glowed further and quickly shifted, becoming thicker and tighter, increasing the horse's protestations. "Truth be told, I'm not his true master, but his myth is tangled with mine, so..."

The horse's eyes grew redder, and his breathing ragged and rougher, his nose pumping air out so hard it sounded like it was puffing vapor instead. Rider pulled the bridle up, and they rose into the night, a rainbow beginning to trail from the Phantasmal Beast as it flew, in defiance of optics (not physics, though that was annoyed at its laws being broken too).

"Rest assured, Saber," Rider said, while Shirou's Berserker latched herself on Illya's and exploded herself, killing him as well, "this beast was given birth by a god. His enemy's demise is thus as guaranteed as a decree from Heavens. But fear not, as that also means it will be quick and painless."

"It is a surprise," Saber evenly said. "To think a demon like you would entertain thoughts of mercy for a foe."

Something about that observation seemed to displease Rider, as there was no outburst from her but a fleeting, yet marked scowl marred her perfect features. The bridle was tugged on further, and they shot up into the nocturnal sky, turning into a silver streak that soon was nothing but a tiny sparkle amongst the other stars. Saber knew better than to expect for a retreat, however, and she clenched her teeth, her gauntlets squeezing on the handle of the invisible sword just in case.

The silver streak began descending at an incredible speed, rocketing downwards towards the waiting Berserker, who was reviving from his counterpart's explosion, growling up at the quickly incoming Rider.

Pegasus and Rider's figures again grew fully visible within the approaching streak.

This was it. The incoming clash would be something epic and awe inspiring, but also terrifying, and no doubt at least one of those involved wouldn't survive it.

Shirou now deeply regretted not having just ordered everyone to stay at home, despite the fact they still would have to deal with Illya sooner or later, one way or another. But alas, it was too late for that by now, since in a few moments...

And then, just as Rider seemed to be shouting something, a name, Berserker finally did something quiet, measured and paused. With a new look of strange serenity on his grotesque features, he raised a stony hand... and just like that, Pegasus stopped in mid-air right before him, neighing in a bright contentment that perplexed Rider.

For a moment, she could swear she heard a faint chant of Muses in the background.

 _Who puts the glad in gladiator? Heracles! Whose daring deeds are great theater? Heracles! Is he bold? No one braver! Is he sweet? Our favorite flavor! Heracles! Heracles! Heracles!_

"Oh," Rider quietly said. "Right. I forgot."

She tried to reach back to undo her blindfold, but with surprising speed, Heracles caught her by the head, and crushed her skull with a powerful squeeze of his oversized hand.

Shirou sighed and pulled Cassiopeia out.

Moments later, he managed to press the button on the golden watch just as Heracles' weapon crushed his upper body to a red jelly while Illya cheered.

He thought he got a last glimpse of a familiar burst of light, a tall, musclebound creature rising from the summon circle to greet him, and he thought he'd just stained his pants, even if he was unclear on the reason being the spasms of death or sheer panic. For the newly arrived Servant who had just appeared between him and Berserker was Berserker's own perfect mirror image, as the two massive behemoths roared and threw themselves at each other while Illya could be heard cursing in surprise from out of Shirou's fading view.

And again, the whole world went white.

* * *

Shirou still felt very weak and dizzy as he was being carried bridal style in his female Berserker's arms as they all fled from the roaring, foaming out the mouth mad Berserker he had just summoned at the end of his prior life, shaking his slab of rock maniacally at them. They ran down the streets, and Shirou could swear he had heard alarms being turned on around them as people slammed their windows closed in their wake.

Surely, soon they would have Mahora's mage squads hot after them, endangering even more good people, but as much as he tried, he couldn't even get up to start fighting. He was too exhausted to move that much in the red haired girl's slim but strong arms, and he was sure something had gone really wrong with the last time jump. Surely they had abused the magic too much and now he was paying the consequences of his actions. He only wished he could make up to his Servants for all the hassle he had brought upon them...

"This is so humiliating!" Lancer growled as they ran. "A team such as ours shouldn't be running away from a single foe!"

"This is no escape, this is a strategic retreat until we find a better attack point!" Saber reasoned, struggling to keep up with him. This Irish bloke sure was fast on his feet, with only Rider and the blond Magical Girl being able to easily match his fleeing- sorry, retreating- speed. "Berserker! How is Master Shirou-"

"Still... alive..." the bride said, taking a quick glimpse down at Emiya's pale face. "But... why..."

"That brute must be a massive prana hog, don't you see?" Archer supplied the answers again, briefly stopping to throw weapons at their pursuer in fast attempts to stall him back. "Just supporting him is sucking all of the prana out of this second rate Master! I don't think he'll last long!"

Shielder gasped. "But then what can we do? We must kill Berserker twelve times, but without- Oh!" she came to a halt, as blocking their way, a gigantic lurching shape appeared in the distance slowly heading towards them, with a much smaller figure sitting atop it.

"Make that twenty-four times," Archer Alter sneered, again taking aim at Illya's head. "Of course, half of that can be skipped easy enough-"

"No!" Archer shouted, throwing one of his short blades at the barrel of Alter's handgun.

"Hey, asshole!" Alter spat at him. "Why are so you protective of that little shit?! You coulda blown my fingers off, moron!"

"I've been waiting for this moment, and it was about time!" the tiny, pale person sitting atop the newly arrived muscular, shirtless giant with grayish skin and red eyes that almost seemed to glow said, loud and clear. Neither of them seemed upset in the slightest by the number of Servants present or their agitation either. "Finally I found you, Onii-chan, so I could introduce myself properly! Good afternoon, Shirou-nii- What in the world?!"

She had just seen the other colossal Berserker running towards them like a mad living locomotive, and as the other Servants jumped aside to open a wide way for him, Fate zoomed to her through the air, tackling her and taking her away from her Berserker split seconds before Shirou's Heracles rammed into his counterpart with a deafening roar that was promptly answered with an identical one. "Hey! What are you doing, you awful- EEEEE!" Illya had to cover her ears as the combined screams of both Heracles beating down on each other made several windows in the closest buildings shatter and explode, along a few assorted street lamps.

"This is insane," Ruler gasped, witnessing the two hideous monsters pummeling on each other, but with Illya's version quickly gaining a clear advantage. Shirou flinched as 'his' Heracles was promptly tackled down and bashed brutally, getting a few good hits of his own in the proccess but mostly playing the role of his alternate version's punching bag. The young man coughed, also feeling weaker and woozier by the moment. "Unless they kill each other, we all lose!"

"I don't think that's going to happen, the little girl's obviously got much more prana to fight with," Lancer growled, taking aim for another Gae Bolg, but unsure at which Heracles should he be pointing at. "Saber! This is your turn!"

"Aye!" Saber shouted back, clenching her teeth, her gauntlets squeezing on the handle of the invisible sword.

From Berserker-chan's arms, Shirou could vaguely see and hear her through the haze of his stupor, as the blond Servant closed her eyes and chanted, quiet and controlled, "O mighty wind..."

Lancer forced a grin. _"Gae..."_

The Archers stayed back, their hands ready to summon their own Noble Phantasms, but allowing the other Servants to act first. Throwing multiple Noble Phantasms at once could have simply obliterated their own Master as well, and Illya, although that was a concern only for the red and black clad mystery man.

Fate, whose trump cards were faster on the draw, took the chance to draw the first blood after handing Illya to Nanoha, who firmly held the kicking and screaming albino from behind.

 _"Photon Lancer Multishot!"_ she shouted, aiming from above and blasting Illyasviel's Heracles through an eye several times in quick succession, killing him again. As his foe fell limp away from him, Shirou's Heracles roared and began attacking him relentlessly, smashing his head open with both his weapon and the other Heracles' at once, just as he revived, killing him a second time.

Saber's sword was almost fully visible now, its lines classic and sleek, elegant and conventional, yet unmistakably lethal and unopposable. While nowhere as big as Heracles' slab or Shielder's shield, or even Ruler's cross, it was just as impressive in its own way. "Step clear from them, everyone!" she screamed her warning.

 _ **"BOLG!"**_ Lancer cried right afterwards.

And the power was unleashed, and the air seemed to hum to deafening degrees, as the spear darted forward, with unerring accuracy, towards its intended goal.

Lancer smirked almost psychotically as his favored weapon, unerring and accurate as ever, flew directly through the recovering enemy Berserker's chest, piercing him all the way through, and coming out his hard, wide back amidst an explosion of gore that splattered all across the street.

Archer shared a quick look with Shielder, made a few gestures with his arms, and Shielder nodded, understanding. She jumped into his expecting arms and he threw her towards the reviving Heracles foe, the small woman thrusting her shield before herself. Its edge glinted under the moonlight for a second before she drove it through the Berserker's neck, messily cutting into his throat and killing him a fourth time.

"No!" Illya screamed, seeing maybe these worms had a fighting chance after all. "What are you doing, don't-!"

"I'm sorry," Saber softly said, and with a final explosion of mana, the sword revealed itself in full, glinting under the waning light. Shirou took a hand to his heart and screamed in agony, Saber pointing at Heracles while Shielder covered herself with her shield and stood her ground, hoping for the best. _**"EXXXX-CALIBUUUURRRRRRR!"**_ Saber shouted at the top of her lungs as a gigantic burst of power engulfed both sons of Zeus and obliterated them at once...

Shirou pulled his head back and screamed, the watch in his chest making strange, loud 'Ping!' sounds as it also was strained pushing its limits, each new paradox and mana consumption taking a dangerous toll. Saber huffed and panted, supporting herself on her sword as most of the other Servants looked at her in bewildered admiration. She only scowled. "We still have more grim tasks at hand," she coughed. "Let us not-"

"You, mongrels?" a voice callously called from above, and Saber looked up, to see Gilgamesh standing on a tree, smirking down at them all with condescending coldness. "Don't make me laugh! It's a wonder you have made it this far, but don't fret! Your generous king is here to relieve you from further effort! Stay back, and witness how a real sovereign disposes of a beast!"

"Fine. Show us, then," Ruler stepped back, coming to the female Berseker and the dying Shirou's side.

"Of course I shall!" Gilgamesh said, and just like the night before, mouthed an amused ''Enkidu," and chains sprouting from the ground all around Illya's Berserker, tightening themselves around him to such a degree even the behemoth was immobilized despite his attempts to break free. Then, while Illya wailed and kicked around in a just as futile attempt to escape Nanoha's grasp, Gilgamesh pierced him through twenty two times with an identical amount of bladed weapons, finally managing to skewer him out before anyone could stop him.

And then, the unmatched Servant paused as Berserker slowly disappeared before him, and fixed his eyes on Illyasviel herself.

"Wow," Fate softly said. "He killed him _eight_ times in just one go...!"

Shirou tried to get up despite his body refusing to obey, and Archer stood his ground between Gilgamesh and Illya courageously, Nanoha never letting the hysterically crying girl go. "That's it, Gilgamesh," Archer said icily. "You've proven your point. You have easily proven you are the most powerful of us by far. You don't need to murder a harmless little girl and soil your name."

"Harmless?" Gilgamesh asked, tilting his head aside with a calculating smile. "I believe she was inflicting a world of harm upon you by proxy. And don't be so arrogant, fool!" he suddenly exploded in anger. "Telling me what to do or not to do?! How do you dare?!"

Then, however, he and the rest of them flinched, feeling a sudden dive in their mana connections as Shirou hyperventilated and trembled in the bride's arms. "I think..." Berserker-chan said, as Shirou's Heracles wobbled on the ground, although still maniacally, "Master is... dying..."

And the world went white once again with a final 'Ping' of Cassiopeia, but not before Shirou could see Ruler praying with tears in her eyes.

And a half second before it was all over, he thought he also saw a golden glow enveloping Illyasviel, before realizing the same glow was also coming from himself. He felt a massive rash on the back of his hand as Illya's concealing furs shifted and changed into something far skimpier and more... pink, but then he lost all of his eyesight and went numb.

He still managed to hear a shrieking, "What in the world is happening to me-?!" before losing consciousness.

* * *

"I am Servant Caster," Illyasviel said as soon as Shirou opened his eyes again. He was now resting on his back, mostly splayed against the pavement but with his head on Berserker-chan's lap, one of her hands on his forehead, and the rest of the Servants standing around him, with Gilgamesh turned away, arms clearly folded as he muttered darkly to himself. The silver haired little girl bowed to Shirou. "I'm well aware we had a rocky start, but please bear with me, Onii-chan."

Shirou lifted a still mostly stiff arm, used it to block his eyes, and let out a series of short anguished sounds.

Illya's face twitched briefly before she straightened the short white and pink skirt she was wearing, tapping one of her new shiny tall boots on the sidewalk. "Let me explain. Looks like you summoned me from another plane of existence, and my spirit has inhabited this body to manifest myself in your world, Onii-chan."

"Yeah!" chirped the shiny winged staff Illya now held in her hands, waving its short, adorable wings in place. The weapons carried by Nanoha and Fate shared a soft, subtly exasperated sigh as they slightly leaned towards each other. "Isn't that just convenient, too, how there just happened to be another Illya-chan to possess right here in the right moment, huh? Then again, they say there are no coincidences in the big scheme of magic, so you could chalk it up to me! Yeah, for I am Kaleido Ruby, the Magical Wand of Justice and Love that transcends time and space! No matter the distances, Illya will always find her way to her brother's side as long as she holds me, and-!"

"I have," Shirou wheezed, "no idea at all what you're talking about, please slow down..."

Illya inhaled, ran a hand in circles over one of her temples, and said, "I'm not too clear on it myself, but I heard your voice, and then I just knew I had to come in your aid, Onii-chan. Even if you aren't the same Onii-chan I knew, Illy- I mean, Caster, will always be there for you as a good sister..."

Then she took a hand to her stomach and cringed. "Ugh, how cutesy and lovey dovey was that! No, stop, stop, stop! Why do I feel this way now, what have you done to me-!"

The winged staff flapped its wings on Illya's face several times, slapping her repeatedly as the rest of the Servants sweatdropped, eerily quiet Heracles included. "Stay down, you evil Illya, down! You're Caster Prisma Illya now, accept your convoluted plot twist like a good girl... or die!"

"I don't want to die!" Illya pulled the staff back from her face. "Don't talk like that, Ruby!"

"Oh, so you're back, that's good, keep fighting it and that nasty girl should know her place in short order," Ruby said, while Shirou just frowned, deeply disturbed at the display. "Now listen, Onii-chan, you should know this is causing both of your little sisters a lot of stress, so you'd better appreciate what Illya's doing for you. Now, while you were out, your Servants mentioned something about violating the laws of nature and temporal physics with a turbo powered jackhammer up their collective-"

"Are you," Shirou weakly guessed, "out to punish me over that? Just don't blame the others..."

"Oh, no, no, I'm a magical tool of super-awesome violation of boring old rules of existence, so you're getting no bad rap from me, Onii-chan!" Ruby giggled. Despite having no visible mouth anywhere. Shirou was mostly numb to that kind of utter weirdness by now. "Anyway, they said a few things about your having to support too many Servants at once for your delightful, sexily toned but magically weak as funk body...?"

"Herc here's pretty much killing him, yeah," Archer Alter pointed a thumb towards Heracles, who seemed to actually shrug his wide shoulders in a carefree way for half a moment. "And by extension, killing us. Which is the shitty part of this whole mess."

"That... I think I, we, can help with that," Illya sighed, clearly trying to collect herself while massaging her forehead with a hand. "This Illya's body is a massive prana battery that could handle Berserker's demands easily, I can see that much from my, I mean her, memories..."

Then she stiffened unnaturally and shrieked horribly, "DON'T YOU DARE LOOKING INTO MY MEMORIES, YOU DEGENERATE-!"

But just as soon, she forced herself back to her original position, clenching and grinding her teeth. "... so I think I can take some of Onii-chan's burden away from him! For some reason, Berserker seems to be calmed in my presence as well... "

"Um…" Berserker-chan said hesitantly.

"But that makes no sense," Lancer protested, "this isn't even the same Berserker you, I mean that girl, had! How can you even share a connection when-"

"Um, I... think…" Berserker-chan tried again.

Heracles just roared on his face to silence him, while Archer scratched himself on a cheek and said, "Maybe theirs is a heartwarming link that trascends all laws of possibility, time and continuum dynamics, and even True Magic. Or, perhaps, he's just that much into Loli."

"Uh, maybe…?"

Nanoha scowled, rolled one of her sleeves up, and showed off the heavy bruises all over her arm. "Somehow, I doubt that last part, Archer-san."

"I think…" Berserker-chan persevered.

"Okay, so maybe his tastes are that specific," Archer allowed. "Or maybe he could smell the lesbian off you and it repulsed him. Although I doubt that, because he's Greek after all."

Nanoha blinked as Fate frowned at Archer. "What's a lesbian?" the former of the Magical Girls asked.

"I still don't understand anything at all," Shirou absently said, "but okay. So we finally can stop fighting now, right? That would be nice, yeah... Um, you're saying, Berserker-chan?"

Berserker-chan spoke hesitantly, as if afraid she'd be interrupted again. "Why… not… turn… off… Mad… Enhancement?"

Shiro blinked. "Wait… you can do that?"

Berserker-chan jerkily nodded. "Not… using… it. Sane. Safe. Consensu… er. Okay."

Shirou sighed. "Uh, Berserker, er, Heracles, Mad Enhancement off?"

As if someone had thrown as switch, Shirou found he wasn't as fatally tired anymore.

Berserker suddenly smiled. "Ah, that's much better. Thanks, Master!"

"…" everyone chorused.

"See. Always… conserve… power…" Berserker-chan said, sounding faintly smug.

Gilgamesh began walking away waving a dismissive hand at the group. "If you aren't going to do battle anymore, that's my cue to leave your pathetic company! I only came because I felt the presence of a powerful enemy to slay, but if that minor bit of entertainment is done, I might as well just return to my careful scheming for my golden future! Losers!"

Shielder blinked. "You mean you could feel Berserker's presence all the way from Sempai's home?"

Ruler frowned. "Are you sure you weren't tailing us? Maybe you were worried about us after all, and there's some decency in your-"

Then she went silent as Gilgamesh threw a knife back over his shoulder and it zoomed past her side, almost touching the side of her head before getting itself stuck into a tree's trunk. "Next one won't be a warning!" the golden Archer said, before leaping up into the night and disappearing in the shadows.

"..." the assembled Servants said as Ruler grew scarlet and bristled, hands tightening around her cross' handle so tightly she was starting to make small fissures on it, much to her later chagrin and angst.

"Why, that no-good, insolent, misguided lost sheep...!" she hissed.

"Wow," Caster said in a tone that evidently belonged to the old Illya. "That man sure is a major-" Then she patted herself on a cheek, almost slapping it, and chided herself in a tone that was all Caster-chan's, "No! Bad word! Bad word, we shouldn't be that kind of girls!"

Saber looked at her with great concern for a moment, then sighed wearily.

For once she almost was glad Irisviel was not around anymore. Seeing her beloved daughter like this no doubt would have destroyed her...

* * *

 **To be Continued**.


	3. Chapter 3

It had started raining outside, and yet Saber kept on faithfully waiting by the gates of the Mary Magdalene church, with her cap and the long thick coat she had thrown over her body doing a mostly remarkable job of shielding her from the cold pouring rain. Shirou had, before walking in with the rest of the Servants (in spirit form, since the energy efficient, power-conserving reign of Berserker-chan had begun), offered to let her come in with them, but she had refused, claiming the need for someone to stand guard outside.

Stoically, she stood there, grim and silent, even when one of the young trainees at the church peeked out, handing her a cup of steaming cocoa and asking her, "Are you sure you don't want in?"

Saber's answer was austere and dry, her voice calm and steady over the sounds of the rainstorm in the making. "I will be fine. There's no need to concern yourselves about me. For once, don't think of me as a peer to assist, but as a fleeting shadow passing through your world, bound to bloody designs hardly worth your prayers, much less your generosity. I don't even pray for God's forgiveness anymore; should I have it my way, I will soon be purging my harmful influence from this world altogether."

Kasuga Misora cringed at that self-deprecating and tortured speech, in her opinion worthy of Itoshiki-sensei himself. And she thought Negi-kun had issues...

"Ohhhhh-kay then, heh heh..." the short haired apprentice nun chuckled lamely, slowly pulling back as she closed the doors. "Enjoy your cocoa, I'll also be bringing you a few cookies... Ahhh, if you change your mind and want to get in, just knock and we'll be glad to have you inside..."

"Do the cookies have chocolate chips?" Saber asked, showing some hope in her tone at last.

"... they will now," Misora said, now speeding up her retreat into the holy building and flinching inside.

* * *

 _Fate/Stay Night_ , _Fate/Hollow Ataraxia_ , _Fate/Zero_ , _Fate/EXTRA_ , _Fate/Extella_ , _Fate/Apocrypha_ , _Fate/Strange Fake_ , _Fate/Prototype_ , _Fate/Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya_ , _Fate/School Life_ and _Fate/Grand Order_ are creations and properties of Type-Moon.

 **Cycle of Violence**.

 **Another alternate vision of the Unequally Rational and Emotional universe**.

Inspired by 'What if (Almost) Everybody was Shirou's Servant' by Mereo Flere.

* * *

 **Chapter Three: Shallow Ataraxia**.

* * *

Kotomine Kirei had conflicting sentiments on this subject, as much as he could have sentiments at all.

On the one hand, losing Judge and Gilgamesh in a single night had definitely harmed his plans for the Fifth Holy Grail War. On the other, Emiya Kiritsugu's boy had blundered in such an unprecedented way he was almost likely to damn the whole world now, and Kirei was one of those men who just wanted to see the world burn (he was a member of the Joker Fan Club to prove it, member number 0000003). So it more than balanced out. The only really annoying part was Kirei probably wouldn't need to put any effort, just sit back and wait for the end. It bothered him. He liked to think his efforts helped make the world a worse place.

Which bothered his ever present sense of duty and responsibility. After finally accepting his goal in life, now it turned out he didn't need to follow on it after all, after so much self-doubt and inner struggling. It didn't seem fair, but then again, he knew well God had forsaken him long ago. And it wasn't like Kirei could blame Him.

The tall man in black priest vestments had seemed to appear out of nowhere at the end of the chapel, quiet and solemn, his arms folded behind his back. He was nowhere as old as Shirou had been expecting him to be, and as a matter of fact still seemed rather young and strong, with a head full of black hair and wide, straight shoulders more fitting a trained fighter or a construction worker. Despite that, he was not overly muscular, and the eyes on his angular, chiseled face were old and lifeless, slightly greenish like those of a dozing snake.

"I heard you were looking for me," this man had said with a deep, rich voice, a certainly interesting and commanding one. "At least, that is what I gathered from my co-workers' rather vague reports. It sounded like you weren't very open with them, young man..."

"Are... Are you the supervisor for the Grail War?" Shirou had asked, hoping he could pass it off as a prank if it turned out this man knew nothing on the subject. "I'm Emiya Shirou, and..." He had held an arm up, showing him the intricate red markings on the back of his hand, "I think I've been chosen as a Master..."

"Emiya?" the man said, looking into Shirou's uncertain eyes. "Now that's a name I hadn't heard of in years. What an intriguing twist of fate."

"You knew my father," Shirou said, faintly but not questioningly, just a statement of a just dawning fact. So Kiritsugu was not talking of mere rumors when he'd warned him to keep his distance from the priest, so long ago? Did he and this man have some sort of past relationship?

"Indeed. He was a pupil of mine before he turned to evil," Kirei said. "Before the Dark Side. Before the terrorism."

Shiro blinked. "Really?"

"No, but I always wanted to say that," Kirei said.

Shirou facefaulted.

"Everybody who knows about the world of magic knows about Kiritsugu Emiya, boy," the man impassively said, beckoning for him to come closer. As the boy did, the man gestured with his hands to the effect. "Let me the Command Seals closely. That is the first thing I must evaluate."

Shirou nodded absently, still studying Kirei's lifeless expression, extending his hand, and the elaborate designs on it, towards him. The priest's face featured no surprise. "I see. The Master of Saber, then? That should be the last Servant to appear. The stage should be set now..."

"W-Well..." Shirou rasped uncomfortably. "It's not as simple as that, actually..."

And then, against his ever present dry stoicism, Kirei reacted with mild surprise and even the slightest of jumps as Shielder appeared behind him. You could tell because of the big-ass shield. "What in the world..." Kotomine said. "But, this War already has a Shielder. Have you wrestled control away from another Master already?"

"In, in a way, yes, but probably not the way you think..." Shirou sheepishly admitted, while Caster stepped out of the shadows and Heracles materialized before him, and Kirei grew rigid in place, recognizing the daughter of the woman he'd killed ten years ago, the very same girl who had shown at the church to make her part in the War official mere days ago, and her Servant. He had placed such high hopes and key parts in his scheme for them, why were they back now, and why was the girl dressed in such an outlandish outfit? Surely he wasn't _that_ out of touch with what passed as fashion among youths.

"Errr," Shirou said. "Right now, I also happen to have three Archers, one Ruler, one Rider, two Berserkers, one Caster, one Lancer, and one, or two, Magical Girls, depending of how you look at it, I guess. Tell me, have I really messed things up?"

Kirei blinked at the Servants slowly appearing all around them one by one, armed and respectfully waiting, most of their heads lowered even for those of the confidently staring Archers and Lancer, and he struggled to find fitting words for several moments. Finally, he said what came out to him naturally.

"Quite so," he confirmed Shirou's guess, making the young man sigh sadly. "But rejoice regardless, Emiya Shirou! For you have managed something no man in history ever achieved before! By becoming the Master of an unprecedented amount of heroes, you have just become a Hero yourself, and what better goal is there for a man your age? Now all you have to decide is whether you'll die as a failure of a Hero or live as a success. And possibly be remembered as a villain. I make no promises."

"Now, wait a second, please," Shirou requested. "Before this goes any further, let me tell you I have no interest in this 'game' that's been described to me. If I came here, it was mostly so I can learn if there's a way out of this situation."

"There are many ways to exit a Grail War," Kotomine confirmed stoically. "Why, Wars are designed for contestants to leave as soon as possible. Usually horizontally. However, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate most of the likely exits for a Master or a Servant..."

"He's been there already. I doubt he'd care for another go," Archer Alter grinned, sharpening one of his large knives. "Again."

Kirei gave the even taller man a mildly puzzled glare which he then focused on the deflating Shirou. While his question went unvoiced, Shirou still answered it anyway. Sort of.

"Long story," he said. "Let's just say, for the sake of brevity, I've been trapped into some sort sort of... cycle of violence where I keep on dying and summoning one Servant after another without meaning to."

"I see," Kirei hummed, folding his arms behind his back. "That is highly unusual indeed, to say the least. In any case, a War is halted as soon as all Masters have lost their Servants but one, so the basic principle should still remain. You must destroy all other Servants, and then this situation you have embroiled yourself into should come to a stop on its own, after you reach the Grail."

"I know," the boy said, "this is supposed to be an all-out conflict to the death, both for Servants and Masters, but I have a hard time seeing the Headmaster, head of the Kanto Association, to let it happen here. Surely you, a man of God, should agree we shouldn't let it come to pass..."

"God sends death just as He sends life, and mankind is ultimately powerless to stop either," Kirei gravelly lectured. "That includes men of Konoe Konoemon's stature. If the Holy Grail chose to manifest itself here after the destruction of Fuyuki, there is nothing any of us can do about it. It will awaken among us sooner than later, one way or another. All we can do is seeing who will get to summon it forth."

"There's always another way," Shirou insisted.

"Then for all means and purposes find it if you can, Master of Heroes," Kirei challenged, with what could charitably be called a smile, but although it seemed to show no particular malice, it was just as devoid of any warmth or true humor. It looked more like an automatic rictus than anything else. Any politician would have been proud. "Of course, I would suggest you to find a way to stop your cycle of summons first. It is bound to backfire on you sooner than later."

Most of the Servants present couldn't help but nod in thoughtful silence at that. Although Caster was just stepping behind the massive Berserker's legs, looking up very warily at the man of the cloth. How curious, Kirei thought, since Einzbern had acted far more confident and less uneasy around him the first time they met.

"In any instance, certainty born from ignorance is nothing but a bane upon those who suffer it," Kirei nodded. "The Grail is a force invoked by magi which is far greater than any of us, and none of us can cancel what they created. The Masters and Servants can only fight to dictate their own terms for its revival."

"All the same," Shirou said, "is that really worth it to let other people die for it? Do you think that's actually fair?"

"Of course not," Kirei quickly said, "but what I, a mere mortal, think of the fairness of existence is of no importance in this. Listen, Emiya Shirou. The role of a Master is not one that can be shuffled aside because you have no need or desire for it. Although it's unlikely the responsibility would have come upon you had you had no actual desire for it, whether you are aware of that or not."

"What are you trying to say?" Shirou blinked.

Kirei kept his steady, calm lecture on. "Forfeiting in the Grail War pretty much equals forfeiting your life. I won't deny there are ways to abandon the duties imposed upon you, but be warned most of them are likely to have you killed, and others destroyed as well. This is a do-or-die game, and your fellow contestants, extremely rare and foolish exceptions most likely wearing pigtails aside, will not give you any second chances at all."

"I know that," Shirou flinched, remembering his deaths at the hands of Judge, Gilgamesh and Heracles, "but still, if I've accidentally stumbled into a way to summon multiple Servants, you can't tell me there's no way multiple Masters more knowledgeable than I couldn't reach a peaceful resolution to this War if they put their minds into it!"

"Then," Kotomine calmly said, "I would suggest you to find those Masters and extend that offer to them instead. Assuming they would even begin listening to you. On the other hand, it seems like you have the strength of numbers to convince them, should your words alone not suffice."

"Damn straight!" Archer Alter grinned. "I've got some heavy convincing for them right here, Padre!"

"Indeed," Kotomine said. "That will be your test, and not only for your fighting spirit, but of your ruthlessness. The Grail is able to grant any wish its Master can ask from it. We could say whoever controls it can effectively control and shape the world. In the hands of a fiend, it would destroy us all. In the hands of a saint... who could say what good could it do?" he questioned, while Ruler stared on, impressed and even looking tempted.

Of course, that was an elegant way to avoid outright saying the answer would actually be no good wish could be achieved from the Grail anymore, but reaching that conclusion would have been too much for the somewhat single-minded in her purpose Ruler, much less Shirou.

Emiya gulped, his throat now very dry. "I don't think I could bear the weight of that kind of responsibility on my shoulders."

"Then, if you enter the War with that kind of doubt in your heart, you have already lost," Kirei grimly cautioned. Truth be told, his tone was no different at all from before, but the words and the atmosphere made it sound very bleak for Shirou. "Why not embrace your courage, instead of being chained by your fear?" the priest asked, opening his arms. "A man your age should be thrilled at a chance to fulfill his wildest dreams. What kind of young heart doesn't dream of being a great hero of justice?"

Archer grimaced very noticeably at those words.

Shirou flinched, and now Kirei did smile in a way that felt more vivid, but also visibly more disturbing, even if only for a quick moment. Archer was all but seething now, eyeing the priest poisonously.

"Priest!" he protested, copying a speech he had often heard from Tohsaka, so long ago. "You're supposed to be neutral. You shouldn't be manipulating Masters by goading them!"

Kirei's arms returned to their original position. "It is my first sworn duty to help those in need, and there are those who only can find salvation through helping others. Legendary heroes like yourselves who qualify to become Servants should be that sort of person, and it is just logical someone who would summon them, without a prior drive to do so, would have the same sort of determination. You of all people should know that."

For all Archer detested Kotomine, he could not deny his uncanny ability to describe people shortly after getting to meet them. He had no adequate way to rebuke his point, other than pointing out he was no real Heroic Spirit but a Counter Guardian, which was something he didn't wish to reveal at all. So he remained angrily silent at the counterargument.

"Only one Hero can hold the reins of destiny," Kirei ranted, "and so all those who cannot meet the challenges demanded from the greatest Hero must perish so—"

"Hold on now, please, there's no real need to phrase it that way," Shielder politely interrupted. "All Servants but one must die through the War, that much is true, but there's no rule saying all Masters must die as well. Technically, once a Servant is defeated, their Master will pose no threat anymore, so going after them past that point is only an inhuman waste of time and efforts." She smiled at Shirou. "As long as you're skilled enough, you won't have to kill a single human being through this War, Sempai."

He frowned at her. "Don't say that again! Look, I might have known the whole lot of you only for a short while, but you're as human as any of us where it matters! Even when Servants don't look human at all, they still act like human beings, warped or not! I don't want you to think you're different or inferior to us in any way, Shielder!"

Kirei spoke again. "Don't fool yourself, boy. Servants were created to be destroyed, and they are all too aware of that fact. If they were the kind of people to panic at the idea of losing their lives, they would never have become Heroic Spirits to begin with. You don't become a Heroic Soul by lying down and getting messily killed without fighting back."

 _Somewhere, Avenger sneezed._

"That doesn't make it right for us to use them and throw their lives away!" Shirou protested.

"The life of a Servant is wasted only when it's not used for its intended purpose," Kotomine told him, as most of the Servants stood speechless and solemn. "Besides, they've already died anyway, and will not last long in this world without the war to sustain them, so it's not like they can go off and retire on some farm if they wanted to. Their days are numbered either way. I believe your Servants should be berating you right now, after misreading their purpose so grossly. Actual human lives, on the other hand, will be lost if you allow a Master with a heart set on evil obtain the Holy Grail. It's up to you deciding which is the greater wrong."

Shirou seethed. "You're acting as if it's okay to pick a wrong just because it's 'not as big' as another one! But that's not how it should be! Wrong is wrong, no matter what!"

"Let me put it this way," Kirei coolly lectured. "Do you know what happened the last time, ten years ago, a fool refused to master the Grail that had manifested itself for him?"

Shirou recoiled instantly.

"The Great War is intended to appear at sixty years intervals," Kotomine said. "During each manifestation, no man or woman has proven worthy of controlling its power, and that has led to conflict time and time again. However, the winner of the last War took it even further than anybody else, and because of that, the city of Fuyuki was destroyed. Is that the fate you would, through your inaction, allow to befall Mahora?"

Shirou felt truly sick, a feeling of crushing chill filling his innards. Brief flashes of all consuming fire came to his mind, making him squirm in almost forgotten— but never truly dispelled— pain.

In other words, he was having a Negi Moment.

Nanoha looked at him with growing concern. "Um, are you okay, Master-san? Look, I know this is a lot to take in, so why don't you take a seat, we can bring you some water and—"

He gestured at her with a hand to stop talking, then stared into Kirei's even serpentine eyes, his own ablaze. "I still hate this cruel game of yours, and given the first chance to cut it short, then I'll gladly do so. But I'm not letting anything like that happen again if I can help it!"

"Now, that is the fighting spirit a Master should have," Kirei said, his mood apparently improved considerably. "Should you exhaust your Command Seals and lose your Servants, or should your Servants perish in battle, all you need to do is come here, and my sacred duty will be protecting you, even at the cost of my own life, until the War is over. It's fairly quiet and comfortable here. Everybody praises Cocone-chan's pancakes, even if I find them somewhat... tasteless. But then, my taste buds are different." He paused. "Though I have to warn you about Father Garterbelt. Seriously, watch your ass there."

"Creepy pervert priest...!" Caster shuddered, hugging Berserker's thick, rock-like leg.

"Of course," Kirei cautioned, "I can't guarantee the other Masters will let you live long enough to cross our gates. Your own Servants are also all but guaranteed to murder you should you fail them. Most Heroic Spririts come from times where their concepts of honor and justice, not to mention fair play, do not match ours all that well. And some could just be murderous psychos who like killing people. No offense intended," he tilted his head graciously towards the Servants.

"None taken," the Servants chorused, all too aware, and in a few cases even reveling, of that fact as to protest.

"Duly noted," Shirou mumbled, his mood definitely soured from when he had entered.

"So hold on to those Command Seals... all of them... unless you absolutely need to use of them," the priest warned. "That is the best advice I can give you for now. But, if you have any further questions...?"

"Um, yeah, actually," Shirou doubted, "Where would you have you—"

"That hallway, the second door to the right," Kirei helpfully pointed down another side. "Next to the stature of Saint Mungo."

"Wait, that's a real saint?" Shirou asked.

"Of course. Who do you think stole the secrets of British magic and revealed them to Rome so that we could kill the heretics?" Kirei said.

Shirou stared at him, then quickly headed towards the restroom the House of the Lord had reserved for His sons.

Yep, Archer decided, the bastard really had a scary gift for reading people like books...

* * *

"I'm sorry that wasn't what you wanted to hear, Sempai," Shielder sympathetically said as they slowly went the way back to the Emiya house, after the rain, Saber still as stoic as ever under her soaked clothes. "If it's any consolation, Grail Wars where I come from used to have even higher and more stressing stakes..."

"I fail to see how," Ruler sighed, "but I'll still believe you anyway. I have seen too many extraordinary things as to believe there are no limits to this world's capacities to surprise us. By the way, Master, didn't that priest sound incredibly suspicious to you? I could feel an evil presence about him..."

"Yes, not to mention Gilgamesh mentioned something about a 'false priest' before dying," Archer nodded, trying to nudge the conversation the right way. "And of course, later, Taiga-sensei mentioned having seen, let's call him 'our' Gilgamesh near the church. What does that tell you?"

"All I know is, he still knows too much about the Grail War to think of him as a total fraud," Shirou mumbled, raising a hand to interrupt the conversation. "He's unnerving, yeah, and it's obvious there was some bad blood between him and Dad, but-"

"But-?" Archer and Archer Alter pressed on as Shirou frowned in growing frustration.

"You know what," the redhead finally said, "if Dad disliked him he must be a first class villain material, but that still doesn't mean he's an enemy, or has the capacity to be one. At the end of the day he's still the referee for the War and we can't attack him anyway."

"That much is true," Ruler admitted. Then Shirou felt her tensing up. "We're being ambushed again, Master!"

"Again?!" Shirou protested, coming to an abrupt halt while Saber scowled and pulled her Invisible Air out. "How many times per night, my God?! I just want to go home and sleep!"

"You can't fault the other Masters, they must have been scouting the city for days, and we are hard to miss," Saber lectured, eyes sharpening as she glanced into the darkness. "They must have known the last Master would need to come the church sooner or later, so..."

They waited, but no attack came. The Servants who weren't Saber were still hanging back in spirit form, careful not to scare the enemy Servant away. Their presence would drive almost anyone back, but by remaining invisible, they could lure an attacker into a false sense of safety until they were too close. Still, several long, eerily quiet moments passed, and nothing and no one came their way yet.

"I feel the Servant slowly pulling back," Ruler hissed in a low tone. "Perhaps they have just felt us as well, but-"

"Look out, Sempai!" Shielder said, suddenly materializing, springing forward and slamming her Shield down in the way of a small projectile that had just flown towards him. Shirou could hear the rest of his Servants gasping or growling as the miniature bullet or throwing object that had flown his way exploded against the table-sized barrier, leaving it barely scuffed. He shuddered while two figures dropped from a tree along the sidewalk, by now mostly wrapped in the shadows of the fallen evening.

"Shielder..." he swallowed while Mashu gained a fierce expression of resolve and lifted her shield, protecting both of them as he got a more or less clear view of both newcomers.

The strikingly familiar man hefting the long spear over his broad shoulders chuckled at the woman with him. "It seems your charged darts need to be checked out, Master. This one flew slower than during practice."

"My fault. I'll make up for it by dealing with the Master personally," the female who was walking closer said evenly, wearing an elegant, dark two piece suit with matching gloves, tie and shoes. Her hair was short and magenta-reddish, and her face was well rounded and youthful while also giving an unmistakable aura of serious maturity. "You only have to worry about Saber, Lancer."

"Me? Worry?" grinned the lean, yet strong-looking tall man with dark electric-blue hair, wearing a form suiting outfit that clung to each muscle, making Lancer groan in annoyance. Now he finally could understand Gilgamesh and Heracles' earlier rage when facing their own doppelgangers, but he didn't like that bit of enlightenment at all. "Who's worried? Not me," he cockily said, spinning his spear around for better effect as he measured Saber with his gaze. "You?"

"Hardly," Saber simply said, grinding a heel against the pavement for a short moment before propelling herself ahead, swinging the invisible sword, for a first attack.

The red-haired woman quickly charged forward and instantly dashed at her target, running for Shirou as she allowed the power to rush through the Magic Circuits within her body. She tried to sprint around the strange young woman with the shield, wondering what was her angle at this. Probably a bodyguard or assistant magus wielding a blessed Artifact, or a Ministra Magi. Either way, she wouldn't waste magic that would be best used helping Cu Chulainn finish off Saber on her unless she surprised her.

But she did surprise her, by swiftly spinning around with agility unfitting any mortal, and blocking her surprise feint and side attack with the gigantic shield. As her foot collided with the shield's thick surface, only the fact her body was now pumping with magical energy saved the red-haired beauty from crushing every bone from her foot to her waist. Then she realized it, and she felt a sharp pang of dread. This, too, was a Servant! They had stumbled into an alliance of magi!

At the very least, as she could spy from the corner of her eye, Lancer was faring better than she was, and even better than she had expected from a fight against a Saber.

Empty air met blood-red spear as Saber and the rival Lancer clashed, ancient marvels and epic skill meeting in battle once more. They moved at speeds few humans could even see and fewer still could match. Lancer swung the butt of his spear at Saber's wrist, Saber guarding with her invisible blade and made as if to lunge at Lancer, invisible swordpoint seemingly aimed at his throat. Lancer called the feint, reversing his spear, stepping back as he repulsed Saber even as he brought his spear point down to come at her face. She recoiled, and Lancer spun and kicked, catching her side and knocking her off balance, spear drawing back for a short, direct jab. She spun as if in midair, catching the glistening point between invisible blade and invisible crossguard, forcing it down even as she flipped over and, in a flutter of skirt, kicked Lancer in the face with a metal boot.

Saber was used to difficult fights. When she'd lived, she'd made a habit of them. When your sword assured you'd be victorious in battle (not counting the casualties), and your sheath meant you could survive any wound, winning was all a matter of going into the battlefield and being the last person standing. It was, in its way, so simple even Shirou could understand it. Life was Victory. Victory… probably meant Life. Maybe. Blood loss could be a bitch like that.

The other Servants hung back, invisible (or in Caster's case hiding behind a tree), keeping their distance. Experience from prior fights had taught them sharing a common and limited mana pool meant attacking all at once made their individual attacks actually less effective, and so they had implicitly trusted this battle to Saber and Shielder, the first ones to make their moves. In the meanwhile, they would keep a low presence so they wouldn't be detected and wait for an opening to finish things off, even if Lancer actually had to restrain himself badly from matching his might against himself, seething in discomfort.

Mashu spun her shield as easily as if it weighed nothing, keeping the red-haired Master away. She bashed in a brutal and yet restrained fashion, meant more to contain and drive back than to kill or incapacitate. Mashu had been an average human once, and out of all of Shirou's Servants she was one of those the least likely to lash out against a living person. Skillfully, she used the edge of her weapon to rip the front of her opponent's suit jacket to shreds, revealing the ragged white shirt beneath. The ambusher crossed her arms to block as Shielder leapt and kicked at her face, and the impact of her heels against her arms made her to flip back in midair. The magus was surprised by the level of skill the pale haired female displayed, seeing how she also was a Servant, so her face remained stoic as she landed and jerked back to avoid the glancing shield thrust that was aimed at her side.

Despite facing the more dangerous opponent, Saber was certain Lancer was no danger to those behind her. Sooner or later, they were sure to bring him down through sheer numbers alone, as he was not as much of a powerhouse as Heracles or Gilgamesh. But at the same time she recognized the look in his eyes, his utter commitment to their battle, and knew that despite her skill, unless she was able to commit the same way, her diminished capacities would ultimately spell her personal defeat.

No. She had started this herself, and she would end it the same way. Her pride wouldn't let her leave her intended opponent to others just because of her shortcomings. Lancer tried to impale Saber's foot, only to have his spear parried by Saber's invisible blade and head butted him. "Ow!"

"This will end soon. I promise," Saber said as she tried to press the advantage, trying to thrust her sword into Lancer's side, only for him to twist out of the way, sweeping his upright spear sideways to deflect her strike. There was a confused moment when both tried to hook the other's foot and pull it out from under them. They darted back, spear and sword coming up and charging at each other once more.

The enemy Master fought defensively, because she had to. She had no idea about the identity of the Servant she was fighting, so tricking her into using her strongest attack so she could deploy Fragarach was a nearly impossible, utterly foolish task. And her adversary's defenses had no openings she could see and exploit to reach through to the enemy Master gawking behind her. That damnable shield seemed invulnerable to everything she threw on it, and Lancer was currently too busy to launch Gae Bolg at the young Master, finishing the battle once and for all.

They had lost, and she knew it, even despite ignoring about all the other Servants waiting in the wings.

"This is your last chance," the pale girl said, barely audible through the loud sounds of her shield slashing through the air. "Call off your Servant! Leave to fight another day!"

"Shielder?!" Shirou blinked, visibly relieved to hear that, as it looked like Mashu didn't have as much of a killer instinct as the rest of his Servants. Even then, he immediately felt them stirring strongly, ready to show up. It seemed clear they wouldn't allow this fight to end without the enemy Servant being obliterated, either. He considered resorting to one of the Command Seals to save the magus and her Servant, but then the other Lancer doubled back and dropped, letting the spear go off his suddenly stiffening fingers. Saber, as shocked as Shirou, paused and looked back, to see the grinning Archer Alter materializing, holding a smoking gun in each hand. Lancer twitched on the street, twin holes likewise smoking through his forehead, his eyes growing blank and unfocused.

"Oh, no..." Shirou weakly said.

Archer Alter chuckled at the staring, scowling Saber, who was evidently unhappy her match was interrupted that way. "Well, Blondie, you were taking too long, and I'm more of an immediate results kind of guy, you know? Oh, and talking about that..."

He spun around and, with an evil glint in his eyes, trained both guns on the enemy magus, especially on her chest. "I don't like leaving any loose ends, either!"

"NO!" Shirou shouted, leaping ahead towards the adversary, just as Alter pressed on the triggers...

The fallen Lancer, with renewed strength born from final desperation, reached for his spear and threw it at Alter, piercing him through the head. At the same time, Shirou's jump took him just long enough to make him reach the other magus' side, whom he tackled out of the way just in time for Alter's bullets to explode through his chest and all the way across his torso, before the shrieking Shielder could stop him, even.

He rolled across the pavement with the startled magus in his arms. "Are you... okay..." he gasped, coughing blood on her without intending to. "Ah, sorry..." he apologized while the unharmed and shocked woman stared at him, not understanding. "My Servants, they're not really bad people, but... but..."

"Oh my God," Shirou's Lancer blandly said as he looked down at his evaporating counterpart. "You've killed me," he distantly added, as he began to vanish slowly as well, Shirou's life energy ebbing away from him and them alike. "You aren't human. Or weren't. Heh."

It all looked like a bad joke now, Lancer thought, glancing towards the enemy magus who was staring up at him in complete confusion, Shirou dying in her arms now. "Well," Cu Chulainn told her, idly thinking the way she was blushing for some reason was very cute, "sorry about all of that, lass, must've been a real bother for you. You must be a good one, since you summoned the best in your first try, so I hope you fare well in our next life..."

"Cu Chulainn...?" she gasped, her eyes so wide. "Why aren't you, I mean, ah, ah..."

He silenced her with a gesture while the other Servants sighed, more annoyed than anything, and began disappearing too. "Don't feel bad for me. There are far worse things than death, this is like a gentle caress compared to-"

Then he had a complete nasty, stomach turning feeling as the familiar summon circle glowed under Shirou's prone body, and from it rose a female figure. A well proportioned, svelte young lady of long, smooth pink hair, a graceful presence in long white furs, her eyes bright and mischievous, her smile confident and haughty. On her head, a silver crown. Lancer's face began twitching nastily, considering just Gae Bolging the creature because it even could say, with that arrogant voice of hers...

"Who summons," she asked, loud and self-assured, cocking a small fist on a well curved hip, "Rider, Queen and never Servant of all she surveys? Whoever you are, speak up now and prove yourself worthy! Should you do so, in your name and mine I, the lover and ruler of all men, swear I'll make all our enemies succumb to me!" Then she noticed the startled Lancer's presence and her face lit up almost impossibly. "Ah!" she cried. "Finally-! Lovey-poo!"

Lancer felt REALLY good when the world disappeared in a flash of white a second later.

* * *

At the same time, at practically the other end of Mahora campus, two young women angrily shouted at each other on a rooftop while a mysterious figure watched over them from an even taller building, a long scarf flowing in the wind around their neck. The scarf made this person's neck itch, so they wanted to take it off, but they remembered the warning of the person who had sent them on this errand to never take it off during the mission, and they just sighed in resignation.

The last thing the enigmatic emissary wanted was to be forcefed meat buns by a strange machine, after all. The enigmatic emissary loved a good Chao Bao Zi nikkuman as much as anyone else in the Academy, but they drew the line at being overstuffed with them by a punishing mad genius of robotics.

This person was, beyond that, a person of honor bound to their word as well, and despite being just a tad Baka they understood the need for balance. So they'd stick to the mission even down to the minor, kinda stupid details. If the mastermind who had sent them had warned them against taking any part of their disguise off, they'd obey those orders to the letter (even if they didn't know which letter it was). We're talking about a highly disciplined person in any non-academic subjects, which ironically made them the total opposite of the two girls arguing below...

"This is all your fault!" accused the shorter one, who had a more discreet and humble figure, although by no means flat or childish. She wore an extremely short black skirt and tight red sweater, with extremely high black stockings, and her dark hair was collected into twin side tails. You know who we mean.

"How is it my fault?!" the just as angry female facing her on the rooftop's wreckage asked as the last spiritual vestiges of their fading Servants disappeared in the wind. She was fairly taller and bustier, with hair as blond as gold, neatly arranged into thick and elegant curls falling around her shoulders, and wore a long blue and white dress. Just like her rival's clothes, hers were fairly burnt and ragged around the edges, showing the damage sustained from a long, drawn-out, cruel fight. It had been both a surprisingly good Servant battle and an even neater catfight on the side. It's a shame you missed it. "It was your Servant who rammed a motorcycle into mine!"

"Yes, but that was a perfectly valid Riding skill Vigilante had!" the other girl reasoned. "Your stupid Destroyer was the one being dumb enough as to be holding a bomb while Vigilante struck him!"

"What did you expect, being treated with boxing gloves?!" the blonde growled. "This is a real Grail War! Actual murderous intent is to be expected!"

"You idiot!" the brunette spat. "No matter the killing intent, a Servant should never be as reckless as to kill their Master, and Destroyer's explosion would've killed you, too, if I hadn't pushed your fat butt out of the way!"

"Hnh!" the blonde sneered. "Are you sure you weren't trying to tackle me off the rooftop instead? Anyway, it was my magic that shielded us from the explosion!"

"An explosion that wouldn't have happened in the first place if not because of your Servant!" the twin tailed one said. "Now just look at ourselves, we've both lost our Servants before even facing any real adversary! You have made the Tohsaka a laughingstock in this War!"

"Oh ho ho ho, I just saved you from embarrassing yourself before Masters who didn't know how pathetic you are, Tohsaka Rin! But if it's a good battle to the finish what you desire, I can give that to you, Servants or not!"

"Good enough for me!" Tohsaka Rin shouted. "At least I'll get a single good thing from this whole mess! Kicking your sorry butt to submission will be worth everything!"

"What's your obsession with my butt anyway, you sicko?!"

"Fat ass!"

The masked figure had enough and descended with a graceful dive several stories down. Which became a mighty power drop in midair, as she aimed their sandaled feet for the blonde's head. The previous fight had been interesting to watch, but now they were surely about to just degrad into a sad magical slapfest to unleash Unresolved Sexual Tension (she knew the signs, having just that sort of classmates. One was even blonde!), and the mysterious stranger thought it was time to get down to business already, instead.

Literally, as she landed with both feet on the scalp of the unaware, and now very loudly crying, Luviagelita Edefelt.

* * *

Sadly, this is not Vigilante's story, nor Destroyer's. Their epics shall remain untold for the time being, victims of a hack's flawed storytelling brushing them under the carpet because his limited skills couldn't make their awe inspiring deeds any justice. Perhaps they shall be told properly some other time, but in the meanwhile, sexy catfights!

Tohsaka Rin stood back, startled as she watched on how her longtime rival, hatred target of scorn and most definitely not friend, no, of course not, fiercely battled a complete unknown who had just dropped on her out of Kami knew where. Tohsaka imagined Luvia had no shortage of enemies beyond herself; she knew for sure Social Services were on her case over that little girl she was exploiting as her own personal French maid; there was that Ciel girl who had once crossed paths with her in a less than friendly way; and Rin knew for sure Tenjouin Saki hated her guts too, as she was pathologically jealous of foreign-looking gorgeous blondes horning in on her turf (as Yukihiro Ayaka, Sawachika Eri, Eriri Spencer Sawamura, Hagimura Suzu, Fate Testarossa, Aino Minako and Tomoe Mami could personally assure you, too). But this short, dark skinned martial arts dynamo striking at Luvia with such lightning speed ferocity and skill didn't look like anyone Rin had ever seen before.

(Which was a lie, but everyone tended to censor out the antics of 3-A when they wanted to keep their sanity, so she could be excused.)

The heiress of the Tohsakas debated inwardly what to do. Luvia was her classmate, after all, so Clock Tower honor dictated she should be aided against an outsider. But they were adversaries in a Grail War now, which overruled the prior clause, even if their Servants had been wiped off, until the War as a whole had ended. Besides, she was Luvia. So Rin decided to stand still but ever ready in the event she was to be attacked next, idly wishing for some popcorn and butter while watching the fight and studying it for future reference.

Luvia wasn't being allowed to use magic; whenever she tried to whip out a few multicolored gems, the shorter, masked individual would slap them out off her hands, and whenever she tried to chant a spell, she was squarely kicked in the mouth for her trouble. So Luvia had been forced to fall back on her physical strikes. Powering her body up through its Magic Circuits, the European was holding her own against her attacker with her Wrestling style, destroying even more of the long suffering rooftop with her kicks and punches whenever one of them missed the mark. Rin sighed and whispered to reinforce the spells of her own that both kept the surface they stood on relatively stable and also kept the dorm building's inhabitants from hearing them and waking up, calling for the police. They'd receive a nasty surprise next morning after they saw how what had happened to their collective roof, however.

"You little-!" Luvia snarled, finally managing to catch her faster foe in a python grip and slamming her down. But as soon as she tried twisting the person's toned left leg around, she was kneed in the face instead, and this person stopped playing nice.

This was when Rin wished at last she hadn't been enough of a techno-hater to refuse to carry a cellphone around. If only Sakura were there, she would've taken so many wonderful pics of what ensued for the happy posterity...

After it was finally done and the victor rose from the twitching, drooling and beaten down Luviagelita, staring at Rin with large emerald eyes, the Japanese heiress sniffled. "That... That was _beautiful_... But you won't do it to me!" she quickly added, producing four shiny gems in a hand, and furiously sneering at the stranger.

This unknown factor, much to Rin's surprise, only raised their hands and spoke in choppy, high pitched Japanese, "Me no have issue with you if you no start issue with I, Tohsaka Rin-sempai. Me was sent here by person interested in your services, aru. Looks like you only one who can defeat boy with many Servants endangering world, so we no want you hurt, aru-yo!"

Rin blinked, recognizing the girl in the skintight costume, complete with mask that only showed her green eyes and a few bangs of dark blond hair. "The Chinese waitress girl from the Chao Bao Zi...?!"

"What... No, no, what make you say fool thing like that!" gasped this girl, suddenly sounding far more nervous than she'd ever been through the fight.

Rin frowned and pointed at the publicity piece stamped all over the chest of Ku Fei's black and white unitard, which contrasted starkly with the scarlet of her scarf. "You even have an announcement for the Chao Bao Zi on your chest!"

"That no mean anything, everyone in Mahora, good or evil, know and love Chao Bao Zi." Since Rin couldn't argue against this point, she allowed the waitress in the stupid disguise go on. "Besides I know nothing of Ku Fei, other than I heard she awesome fighter and I wish for match with her some-day, aru! But enough of I, I mean, enough of Ku Fei! Sempai, this is for you!" she added, pulling a golden watch on a long chain out of her small backpack and extending it for Rin.

Rin scowled. "And this is for...?"

Ku Fei paused, pulled out a few notes she had in her backpack as well, quickly read through them with spiraling, feverish eyes, and then cleared her throat out formally. "Ahem! This is copy of original magical watch fallen in hands of rival in Magical Wars of yours, Sempai! Aru! Through unlucky accident that in no way Satchan's fault, he ended up with dangerous tool never meant for he! That dangerous, could change history badly if no destroy world, aru! Cha- I mean, Genius who send I would have stopped he herself, but by time she realized it, he with too many Servants for she to face! So it falls on most reliable Master she can find, to stop he and they before tragic story happens, as Uncle guarding magical springs say, aiyaaa!"

Rin blinked many times. "You're pulling my leg, aren't you? Not only because no way no one could be that much of an unfortunate ethnic stereotype in this day and age, but because you're Class 3-A, and-"

"Okay, you found out I, I Murakami Natsumi," Ku Fei said with a completely straight face, at least as much of her face as could be guessed under the thin mask. "But I no prankster like Haruna or Misora, I good girl who means it when I say you take this," she said, putting the watch in Rin's hands. "Dumb guy has kidnapped means to derail Grail War! Are you Bad Girl enough to rescue Time?"

"Was that a videogame reference?" Rin asked, thinking she had once heard something like that from Sakura. "I don't know anything about videogames, so... wait, you said 'Servants'?! Like in plural?!"

"Yeah," Ku Fei nodded. "Cha- I mean, Mastermind pulling Ku, that is, Natsumi's strings said some Emiya Shirou-sempai ended up with original Cassiopeia like this, then used it to somehow summon lots of Servants. She know a lot, Mastermind, she has cameras and stuff hidden all through Mahora, see..."

"Emiya Shirou, the son of the Magus Killer?!" Rin gasped, although she always thought of him first as 'that moron Sakura has a crush on'.

"Is there any other, aru?" the girl who definitely was not Murakami Natsumi asked.

Rin sighed miserably, slumping over. "This whole War's been a fucking mistake."

"Tell me... about it..." Luvia weakly stirred on the floor.

* * *

"Okay, so what's the catch?" Rin asked the girl, actually feeling sorry for how cartoonishly stereotypical she was acting. At least she wasn't wearing a qipao.

"Catch?" the girl asked back, tilting her head. "Me get this contest of getting others fight for you, but this no Po**mon game, you got to summon they, not catch they..."

"I know that!" Rin hissed, fist tightening at her sides. "I mean where's the trap, what's the hook under this bait! I'm not dumb enough as to believe you'd just show up out of nowhere to give me this... this thing just like that!"

"How would me know, me just middleman!" she protested. "Me Baka muscle to deliver means to end, aru! Me no say there no trap, but trap is sure not to be too mean, Cha- girl who sent me good friend and good person after all! She just happen to be incurable mad scientist!"

Rin growled. "I'm still not satisfied with that answer...!"

"Look," the Chinese girl said, "Me already tell you, you need fight dumb guy and Servants for us, aru. And me love fight them for you, but me made promise me no do that. Honor binds Master people to fight other Masters, and me can respect that. Is that no reason enough for we to trust this gift to you? You already doing thing for we, even if it thing you'd be doing already anyway... if you still had Servant, that is, aru-yo!"

"Your handling of pronouns is suspiciously inconsistent," Luvia gurgled from the floor. "Are you sure you aren't faking at least part of your idiocy?"

"Shush, you," Rin silenced her, examining the watch carefully. "Okay, let's say I believe this thing works, that this isn't an elaborate prank on me. How do I get it to work?"

The younger girl opened her mouth to answer, found herself without words, pulled her notes out again, and went through them muttering, "Me no good Infodump Girl, why me had doing this. Should've been Chachamaru-aru..." She brightened again as she found the page she'd been lookng for. "Ah hah! Here it says, you got to power watch with magic. Then forces of nature beyond my mind's capacity to get force your Servant out of Game of Thrones thing. Me roommate likes that show a lot, you know. Me find it dull though aru."

"Throne of Heroes!" Rin corrected, although part of her wouldn't mind getting a Daenerys too much. Maybe she could get her a cool dragon to control. But out of all Servants, she had always wished for a special category, a long cherished ambition; that of mastering a Saber, the most illustrious of all the Knight Classes, the elite choice for those who always came the closest to win a war. She saw herself in her mind's eye with a gallant strong knight or graceful yet deadly swordlady by her side, standing triumphant over a battered Luvia and several other Masters with question marks replacing their faces, and her heart, still burning with the hopes of youth, soared.

She made her decision. What did she have to lose (other than perhaps her life and-slash-or a few limbs, but Magi hardly ever thought of that before embarking themselves into Wars)? She had already lost her Servant, but now she was given the possible means to gain another one. Maybe a Saber, even, since last time she had talked to Kirei he'd mentioned nobody had summoned one yet. If she gave up without trying, she'd be offending her father's legacy, and even worse, she'd chicken out before Luvia's badly swollen cow face! Everybody at the Clock Tower would laugh at her for decades afterwards!

"Rin...!" Luvia tried to get up, growing genuinely concerned over the glint in her rival's eyes. "Please don't...!"

"A source of magic, huh?" Tohsaka wondered aloud, taking one of her gems to the Cassiopeia, and finding a small, suspiciously gem-shaped opening on a side of it. She pushed the precious stone inside, making Luvia gasp in horror, and then the same glow she had first seen when she'd summoned Vigilante appeared under her, vigorously, flapping her skirt up. "H-Hey, what's up! I hadn't even started the chanting yet! And I have no relics on me! What-!"

"Rin, you utter, complete FOOOOL...!" Luvia shouted, rolling back and shielding her eyes with a forearm, before the light exploded all across the rooftop and a figure rose to life before Tohsaka. Then Rin's heart began beating faster. The figure standing in the returning darkness had a regal poise to it, and wore the imperial red of some ancient potentate. It had evergreen leaves forming a crown on its head, and mostly, there was a long, sharp sword in one of its hands...

"S-Saber!" Rin cried, tears almost coming to her eyes in the realization of a dream.

"Indeed," the newly arrived being spoke in a rich, elegant and self assured tone, that of a real figure of authority. "It is I, Servant Saber, who you have summoned, little woman of vulgar appearance. And yet, there must be magnificence and power in you for you to have summoned me! So I shall bring that potential out of its fullest, and together we shall conquer the Cup of ultimate power... for the glooooory of Rome!" he melodramatically finished, gesturing up with his free hand, towards the white moon.

And Rin's heart quickly sank.

For she now could get a full clear view of her Saber, and his voluminous girth. His figure was heavily comical, with his rotund appearance and chubby round cheeks, the way his body mass pushed against fine clothes that were obviously too small for him.

Luviagelita, despite all the pain she was still feeling all over her body, instantly broke out into hysterical laughter.

The masked waitress stared at the Saber, then sympathetically looked at the devastated Rin, and told her softly, "Well, you can try again. I mean, that whole point of Chao's, um, never mind, that whole point of our mission for you. Only one Servant no enough, so as long as you have sources of power, you can summon up to-"

"VIGILANTE, COME BAAAAAAACK!" Rin bawled, taking her head back and letting her grief flow out.

But alas, as we've already said, this isn't a story for Vigilante.

* * *

"I still fail to see," Saber grumbled, watching Rin load another gem into the spare Cassiopeia's miniature recharger, "why you would have need for an army when you have me, Master. The whole purpose of summoning a Servant is disposing of one who is a full military force in their own right..."

"That's true," Rin frowned, waiting for the reload (a video ad for Chao Bao Zi, and damn she was hungry now!) to take place as Luvia stood aside, grouchily rubbing one of her swollen cheeks while the Chinese girl apologized to her and tried to make amends, laughing as she patted one of her aching arms rather dumbly. Still, since Ku Fei was being more polite to her after a fight than Rin had ever been under similar circumstances (and to be fair, it was also far more than anything Luvia had ever done for Tohsaka after one of their fights) and even was complimenting her form during the battle, Luviagelita let it slide. She was more interested in seeing what Rin would do next (or possibly violently happen to her next). "But if this girl's to be believed, at least one of our adversaries has several Servants at his disposal, so excuse me if I don't put all of my eggs into your basket..."

Saber sneered in that aristocratic way transcending time that actually made him somewhat more likable to Luvia. Anyone who sneered at Tohsaka was okay in her book! "Folly and nonsense! A Magi who could perform a miracle like holding several Servants at once would be so gifted by the gods, he wouldn't need Servants in the first place. Don't listen to the advice of strangers over your Servant's, Master. Trust my wisdom, for in life I was a great leader of many!"

"Well, prove yourself and you'll be the field commander of my Servants, then!" Rin snapped as the floor under her finally began glowing again. In all honesty, she wasn't sure she could sustain more than two Servants at once either, but in any instance she could always fix something for Sakura to act as a backup Master, even though she'd have to be kept away from the frontlines. She spied Luvia's unusually thoughtful expression out a corner of her eye, and guessed her rival was just biding her time, hoping for her to fail so she could take her Servants for herself. Well, she would show her! No matter what, she wouldn't back down now!

The idea Luvia could simply be worried about her in her own passive aggressive way but too proud to admit it never crossed Rin's mind at all, which was kind of sad (and true).

The glow grew brighter and stronger again, and in a flash of blessed light, Rin's next Servant showed up (which was lucky, as it could easily have been some crappy 3-Star CE she had a ton of and… okay, I'll shut up now). Rin had kept her hopes up, sure anything had to be a step up from a duck (even if he'd been a duck she missed already) and a fat guy (she'd have guessed Henry VIII if not for the mentions of Rome and the lack of a beard), but what happened next surpassed the lowest of her expectations (which had included getting a duckling and a fat baby). For her newest Servant was...

... a book floating in the air before her, its pages open and flapping slightly, as if to keep it hovering in place. Its cover showed a scene from Alice in Wonderland, with the blond young girl in the blue and white dress looking up at the twisted grin of the Cheshire Cat. For the purposes of this fanfic, the Alice and Cat of this cover will be played by the Disney versions from _The Keys of the Kingdom_ , thanks for asking. If you want the sexy Zenoscope version, wow, I'm impressed you're still reading that crap. If you're imagining American McGee's Alice, stay right where you are while I back away slowly in preparation for running for my life…

Ku Fei cringed, for all Baka Rangers but one hated the sight of what had just manifested. It was anathema to them. "Ai-yaaaa. A book. W-Well, Yue, Honya and Paru will want hear about it, aru..."

"Greetings, Master!" the book told Rin, with the lovely voice of a little girl. "I'm Caster, your Servant, and this is the first chapter of our story! I'm sure we will do beautiful magic together, as we head through the adventure of our lifetimes towards the happiest of endings! Ah! See, this is an auspicious start to our story! We've already brought so much happiness to those around us, that Alice over there is laughing so merrily!"

Luviagelita grabbed her stomach as she doubled ahead, letting an uncontrolled litany of joyous "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"s out, her eyes streaming tears of delight.

Rin only grimaced and paled, her shoulders drooping. "This hasn't been a good evening at all!"

* * *

"Oh my God," Luvia guffawed while wiping the corners of her eyes dry, "you _really_ are trying _that_ again?"

"Well, at least _I_ can keep on doing it, so yes!" Rin growled while pushing another jewel into the Cassiopeia after waiting out the reload ad (seriously, how many ads for Chao Bao Zi were there?-!). Saber stood aside, frowning while slowly flipping through Caster's pages. While dirty minds might at this point think there was a perverse element about a fat man laying hands and intimately handling the body of an innocent younger Servant, not only was Caster well aware books are meant to be read, but Saber, in his defense and for all his other flaws, was nowhere as twisted, sexually speaking, as the rest of the Roman Servants who would follow. At this point the management would like to remind you Augustus would make a kickass Servant and he was a much better and cooler Emperor than fucking Caligula. What kind of twisted world would let a Fergus Lily and a weirdass Lobo/Headless Horseman combo that makes no sense happen before an Augustus? And seriously, why are so many of the French frickin' useless? Seriously, Saber Gilles is a 2-star and everyone knows it, why bother pretending otherwise? And why Instinct? It's competely useless! AND–

(We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. Please Stand By As We Do Maintenance. Look At This Picture of Illya and Kuro Having Naughty Sister-On-Sister Prana Transfer While You Wait. As An Apology, Please Have x10 Saint Quartz)

We return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic.

Luvia looked in all directions, confused. "Did someone else hear something that sounded like a non sequitur rant or two in the distance?" she asked, before the summoning circle glowed beneath Rin again, and her third Servant for the night showed up. Luvia returned her attentions to her, frankly impressed Tohsaka hadn't collapsed from exhaustion yet, even if she actually was breathing much harder now, and her knees looked slightly wobbly. Her rival still soldiered on, however, in that way the European found to be so annoying, facing the new figure who had appeared before her...

This one was sort of difficult to describe. It was a girl roughly shorter than Tohsaka herself, and clearly far younger, even if her attire tried its best to say otherwise. She was pale and slim, with short light hair and strange, quiet but deep eyes that bore into your own gaze with a soft but unnerving intensity. She wore a skimpy black top that hugged her shapely torso very tightly, even smaller black bottoms the type only Evangeline McDowell would have found to be okay, and tall black boots on her rather long, disturbingly curvy for her apparent-age legs. Even Luvia, who kept a little girl in Meido cosplay around her constantly and wasn't shy of wearing very revealing tights in a wrestling ring, thought that outfit was kind of pushing it for a little girl. The arms of the Servant, under her elbows, were covered in thick bandages, with a black glove only in her left hand, and there was a large collection of huge sheathed knives hanging all around her waist and hips.

"Oh, what kind of character would this be?" Caster wondered aloud, floating up from Saber's hands. "I don't think she comes from a story suited for children, hmph!"

Rin herself paused at this Servant, unsure of what to think about her, until the Servant herself spoke for her first, with a distant, quiet and eerie voice. "We're Servant Assassin," she said, faintly sounding like some form of British. "Are you our Mum?"

"... your Master, you mean?" Rin weakly asked.

"We asked," Assassin repeated, her tone still the same, "if you're our Mum."

Luvia felt like laughing again for a moment, but then something very ominous and foreboding about the whole situation triggered her self-preservation instincts, which were still there even if she was a Magus. For a Magus from a prestigious family, actually, Luvia had sharper survival instincts than most, since she at least wouldn't go around being a REAL bitch to people, including beings more than powerful than her, out of pure arrogance. In this aspect Rin maybe had saved her life in the long run, by acting as the sole target for most of Luvia's worst traits. As long as you were civil enough to her and you weren't Rin, Luvia wouldn't treat you all that badly after the first few establishing displays of superiority. Hell, she even didn't actually have anything against Rin's sister. Her sexy, sexy sister…

Rin pondered the Servant's quietly expectant face doubtfully, before she also proved she wasn't that bad a person either. While she also could feel the danger in provoking this strange creepy girl from a Class that specialized in killing Masters, the first thing that came to her mind, even before that, was how sad and lonely this girl looked. It was the same look Sakura had when Eishun-sama had brought her back home from the Matous', right after their father's death. A faraway, broken look that had shattered Rin's heart back then, a far cry from the peppy and naive Sakura who had left their house not that long ago.

Rin carefully reached over and gently stroke Assassin's hair, finding no resistance, although no positive reaction either. The girl simply seemed to be studying her, waiting for a sign to either accept her of skip ahead and skewer her in the spot. "Would you like me to be your Mum?"

"A nice Mum," Assassin flatly said, "would be a good thing to have. That is why we came here. But we don't know if that's why you brought us here."

Ku Fei, who had backed the hell away and stood battle ready, feeling very high vibes of danger from this girl, frowned and tilted her head aside, considering what she had just heard.

Rin smiled and patted Assassin's head. "Let's see what can we do about that," she said. After all, she didn't have a real wish of her own for the Grail. If giving a lost soul some measure of happiness through it was a feasible thing to wish for, she saw no real problem with it. In the meanwhile... "I think I can give you a family, at the very least." Even if only for a short while, depending on the course of the war, but she'd still try her best regardless.

"A family...?" Assassin asked. A family... that was a Mum and more people like a Mum, wasn't it? She was only closely familiar with the concept of Mums, and even then she'd never had one herself. She vaguely knew of families from rumors and glimpses through windows, and she remembered something called a Dad that apparently was like some sort of accessory to a Mum, but she'd never stopped to wonder if she should get herself a family in addition to a Mum. It hadn't seemed feasible at the time, so why to bother? Even so, if this Mum offered her one, she guessed she shouldn't reject it. That was the kind of things that made Mums angry, wasn't it? "Yes," she nodded. "We would be happy to have a family, Mum."

"What a nice girl!" Rin nervously laughed, while reminding herself to go visit Library Island the next day and check on as many Child Psychiatry books as she could.

This poor thing even seemed to have multiple personalities! No doubt she'd been born in Gotham City as some point of its past, so Rin would have to check on her Lovecraftian lore again, too.

* * *

"Are you pregnant?" Assassin asked Saber as they and Caster fell in line together, waiting for their Master to summon her next Servant. Luvia and Ku Fei stood quite apart from them, the Finnish girl staring nervously at her rival as Tohsaka eerily chuckled to herself, pushing another gem into her Cassiopeia (which was a bit scuffed now since Rin had thrown it down after one Chao Bao Zi ad too many). Now the blonde was almost starting to be glad she hadn't been chosen to hold that thing instead.

"Pregn- Of course I'm not, how could I be?!" the offended Saber asked. "I'm a man!"

"Then why is your belly so big?" Assassin asked. "Where we come, people never have bellies that big unless they're about to become Mums."

"I've always wondered myself," Caster mused aloud, "why do mommies' bellies grow that big when the baby isn't there, but is delivered by the stork instead?"

Saber, unamused, glared at them. "Children or not, I believe that falls within the realm of the information the Throne of Heroes should supply you with. Unless you are doing it simply to mock me."

"I'd never mock a mum in the making," Assassin reassured him.

"I'm not a pregnant woman!"

"But you even have breasts...!" Caster pointed out.

Rin gave a long suffering sigh as she summoned the next Servant, who appeared before her in the typical burst of light... and then she reacted even worse than ever before.

A short, ugly man who smelled funny- and not the good kind of funny- had just shown himself, wearing long, concealing black robes with a thick and tall black and purple collar. His skin was freakishly gray and dry looking, his hands long and bony, his hair long, messy and oily, falling around his head in thick black curls. He smiled in an unnerving, sinister fashion, and most strange of it all, his eyes seemed to look each in a different direction, both bulbous and vacant, like those of a coked up Marty Feldman.

"Eh he he he heh...!" this man laughed, as Rin's skin crawled all over. "Grotesque blessings of untold filth and blasphemy may befall you, my Master, for you have summoned Caster! The greatest and most glorious of all fiends stands at your service! Let this be a golden chance to usher on a new age of untold carnage and wonderful torture, for I already can feel our hearts beating as one!"

"... kill yourself," Rin icily said.

Ignoring her, the newly arrived Caster raised his hands to the sky and cackled. "Together, we shall challenge the powers of all that is holy! For that is the will of our Lord, to have mankind reveling against Him so he can smite us! That is the nature of the most sacred of all games! A perfect cycle of violence, an eternal ring of blond, a beautiful tapestry-"

"Kill yourself!" Rin cried.

Now he noticed her outburst, and he paused to look at her, puzzled. "Oh? Surely I have misheard, Master. Who do you wish me to kill first? Point me to that person and I will gladly do so. Tell me, is it that blonde wench over there, or perhaps that colored creature, or that bloated buffoon, or that-" He gave a short squeal of twisted delighted surprise as his uneven gaze fell on the stoic Assassin. "Oh! Master, you shouldn't have! But it is greatly appreciated either way. You even brought me a most delicious appetizer before we start our magnificent oeuvre in full force! You truly touch my heart, my good Master, we are a-"

 _ **"KILL! YOURSELF!"**_ Rin shouted, raising her fist as her one of new Command Seals glowed fiercely on her skin.

The new Caster stopped himself, sighed sadly, pulled a large ceremonial dagger out of his robes, and expertly stabbed himself through the throat in a single push, quickly disappearing from sight.

Luvia blinked. "Rin, why did-"

"This one didn't count!" Tohsaka snapped, turning around to face Ku Fei.

It was Ku's own turn to blink in confusion. "Ah, I no sure about that, you have to ask Chao, she is expert, I no..."

"It didn't count!" Rin repeated, spinning back to her original position, hissed unsteadily, and pushing the last jewel she had on her at the time into the Cassiopeia.

"Oh, no big loss!" Caster happily said. "Master has no need for any Casters but me! And I'm sure his story would have been disgusting anyway!"

"I liked his smell, however..." Assassin mused in soft spoken regret.

"I surprised you not give him blonde girl," Ku said, jerking a thumb at Luvia to indicate which blonde girl she meant.

Rin paused as yet another Chao Bao Zi ad began, staring at her, then turning a slightly disturbing gaze at Luvia. Then she screamed.

* * *

Rin sighed in resignation as she readied herself for the next one. Maybe the trade-off for summoning several Servants was they would be unimpressive in their own. Then again, she told herself as the glow started again, maybe she shouldn't be that judgemental. She would test her Servants tomorrow, after a good night's sleep, to see what they were actually able of before taking them for lost causes.

Yeah. She would do just that. In the meanwhile, however, she was very weary, she had just had a very long and messy evening, and she only wanted to finish with this before even thinking of risking everything summoning any more people. Still, for all she tried to be positive, she was sure she'd next be summoning the Elephant Man, or someone who had only been a famous hero's babysitter, or a guy infamous for bringing bad luck to those around him, she just knew it...

Then she thought she had just seen a faint blink on the surface of the white moon above them, and for some reason her heart jumped a little. The light literally exploded with violence, pushing everyone back, even the Servants, and Rin felt a painful jolt going up her spine, reacting to the summon she had just pulled off. The Cassiopeia itself protested loudly, ticking several times as its mechanisms were strained, and Saber quietly reached for his sword as the newest Servant opened her eyes, which were red and strangely focused, giving her a foreboding feeling about her.

She was a woman, not that much taller than Rin but just as shapely and curvaceous as the now gasping Luvia, if not moreso. Her hair was also blond, but a few shades paler than Luviagelita's, as well as far shorter and slightly unkempt around the edges. She wore a conservative, long sleeved white sweater and long blue skirt, with shiny black shoes and black stockings. Her face was pale but nowhere as much as Assassin's, still giving a mostly healthy impression; her features were appealing in a Western fashion, giving her the looks of a well rounded classic beauty. Also, she was stacked like a parking building. To look upon her was to be drawn to the gravitational pull of her chest.

This woman smirked, flashing a toothy, sharp grin not unlike that of a threatening large cat. Fangs included. Ku Fei readied herself to do battle, and after a moment so did Luvia. Assassin already had her knives out, but Saber just kept on studying the newcomer carefully, frowning as he thought something was not adding up. Caster remained floating in silence, a long, careful humming rising from her pages.

"Hi ho!" the woman said in a bright, cheerful tone, "So, which of you is my Master?"

Luvia and Ku quickly pointed at Rin, who gulped but, feeling the need to rise up to the challenge, stood her ground and didn't hesitate to answer, "Yes, that would be me. My name is Tohsaka Rin! State your Class, Servant!"

"Eh? Ah, let's see..." the woman tilted her head, clearly thinking, standing straighter and flexing her fingers quickly, in and out, "Ah! I'm Servant Temptress! I thought about being a Berserker, too, but I think Temptress sounds better! And better than 'Funny Vamp', in any case...!"

Rin blinked. "Say what? Temptress...?"

And before she could do anything else, while Assassin tensed up in alarm, Temptress was already grabbing the Tohsaka heiress by the shoulders and patting them up quite strongly. Her look of vapid thoughtfulness was replaced by a wide, goofy smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "What, don't I look the part? Calm down, if things were really bad, I'd have killed you just by showing up! But you seem to sustain my existence just fine, so I guess the system worked it out somehow. Then, if that miracle could happen, our victory's a given already! So cheer up already, Master! By the way, who are all those weird people, and why is that book flying?"

Rin blinked several times more, then said, "Welcome to the fold, Temptress."

It was pretty much like the answer an automatic message machine would give. Tohsaka Rin's mind was pretty much too broken at the time to supply anything else.

* * *

 **To be Continued**.

* * *

 _Elsewhere:_

"This is Fate! Otherwise I wouldn't be here at all! So you **will** submit yourself to me!" Shirou's newest Rider said.

"I will not!" Lancer protested.

"Oh, yes, you will!"

"I will not!"

"It must happen! Or else there's no point to our re-encounter! You can't escape destiny, Cu Chulainn! Surrender yourself already!"

"I WILL NOT! Stop bothering me already, will you?!"

"Maybe," Archer Alter told Shirou, "you should just command them to kill themselves so we won't have to suffer this anymore?"

"My life is suffering anyway, that wouldn't fix anything," Shirou stoically said. "It's okay, that's the fair price of being a hero, right...?"

Alter chuckled grisly and patted him on a shoulder. "Maybe there's hope for you yet, kid. You're actually getting it now!"

The other Archer present only sneered in cold contempt while the rest of the Servants looked back and forth between them, wondering...


End file.
